we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Archive for May, 2003

May 31st 2003

emails from africa

would you like many millions of dollars through a “confidential business transaction” with a mysterious african banker? all you have to do is trust them with your highly sensitive account information.
fighting back, the guys at conduct lengthy negotiations with their new african business partners. the content of their correspondence is published on […]

May 29th 2003

NHL: honor and grit; NBA: …uh….love it live!

NBA: despite an upset stomach, san antonio’s tony parker might play tonight in a crucial playoff game against dallas. what a warrior!
NHL: despite being hit in the face with a slap shot, new jersey defenseman, scott stevens, didn’t even miss the next game in the eastern conf. semis against tampa bay.

“hockey players […]

May 29th 2003

lord stanley’s cup

when i was about 6 or 7 year old, i heard a play-by-play announcer call hockey’s stanley cup “the most coveted trophy in sports.” i had to ask my dad what that meant. stanley cup facts:

-it is the oldest trophy for which professional athletes compete. it was first awarded in 1893, 110 […]

May 28th 2003

amnesty int’l hits nail on head

newsflash: there are now some BIG problems in the world and they’re all the USA’s fault! some headlines that describe amnesty’s position:
Amnesty Report: More Insecurity Worldwide Despite US Crackdown on Terror,World war against terror ‘eroding human rights’,US war on terror made world more dangerous: Amnesty International
i think amnesty is wrong. wrong […]

May 27th 2003

sultaana: champion of individual rights (UPDATED)

a woman in florida, sultaana freeman, is suing the DMV. they won’t let her drive because she won’t remove her head and face covering to take the crucial ID photo. the veil apparently has something to do with her being a muslim, and nothing to do with her and her husband’s criminal records. […]

May 26th 2003

the human mating game

i’ve always found the term “mating” unpleasant when referring to human relationships–it conjures up disturbing images in my head of sea lions on the discovery channel getting busy–so i prefer the term “dating”.
i took a college class on dating. i learned some things i did not know. for example, men and women […]

May 25th 2003

what is wrong with the young people?

The NY Post reports:
Children always hit up their parents for money – but a Georgia teen went too far when he kidnapped his folks at gunpoint and forced them to write him a check for $50,000, cops say.
Justin Goldstucker, 18, allegedly told his parents, Philip and Cheryl Goldstucker, of Woodstock, “This is the way it’s […]

May 25th 2003

old man and the sea

Thanks goes out to the NY Post again for providing this newsworthy note:
American boater Ivan Rusch has been keeping the British coast guard on its tows. They’ve had to rescue him and his 31-foot sloop five times in the past two weeks.
In the most recent incident, officials said he became “tired and disoriented” when his […]

May 25th 2003

greed ensnares murderer

And finally, a third fascinating tale from the NY Post on Saturday, May 24, 2003.
When John Nicholas Athan received a letter from a law firm seeking people to join a class-action suit against the city of Seattle for overcharging motorists on parking tickets, he eagerly responded by return letter.
In doing he gave cops the evidence […]

May 23rd 2003

let’s say we’re laughing with him

jayson blair–the man who forgot to spell-check his own first name–is making us laugh again. his interview with the new york observer was so comical, several news sources, including msnbc reported on the interview.
here are the high points from the interview:

blair laughs when the subject turns to his made up stories: “[my] descriptions […]