we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Archive for July, 2003

Jul 19th 2003

NBA players to sport commemorative patch

to commemorate the NBA’s storied history, league commissioner david stern announced friday that all NBA players will henceforth don this patch on their game jerseys (see picture at right):
the announcement came after even the league’s most squeaky-clean player, kobe bryant, was caught engaging in, then lying about, adultery.
LA lakers coach phil jackson (affectionately known as […]

Jul 17th 2003

trifecta de pimps (updated)

(1) lance armstrong is really good at riding his bicycle. he is a great human being. he is a great american. go lance.
i have so much confidence in and respect for (2) president bush and (3) prime minister blair. they are right. their opponents are wrong. the faulty niger-uranium […]

Jul 17th 2003

grand canyon finally liberated

ending an embarrassing chapter in american history, the national park service recently ordered the removal of plaques bearing scriptural inscriptions from three grand canyon buildings. we can all thank the ACLU for saving us from ourselves again!
on tuesday, sister delores katharine gallagher of the evangelical sisterhood of mary went to remove the signs her […]

Jul 15th 2003

thank you

i guess all those years of studying american history, watching history channel war documentaries, and reading about the tyranny of fascist/communist/nazi regimes finally caught up with me. i have finally internalized my previously superficial gratitude for our military. i watched this moving tribute to the military, and then i just kinda pondered it […]

Jul 13th 2003

“we speak for all black people”

NAACP President Kweisi Mfume is all hot and bothered that many of the Democratic candidates for President are reluctant to appear together in a debate style format at the NAACP’s national convention.
You can read the entire article by clicking here.
My favorite ditty that Mfume profers is:
”If you can’t come to the nation’s oldest and largest […]

Jul 12th 2003

our interesting friends, part II

because we don’t want to hog the blog, we’re continuing the series, “our interesting friends”, where our friends tell us stories. its just like we’re sitting around the old-time campfire…except the campfire has a plastic casing and is filled with silicon conductors, and there are none of those pesky mosquitos.
this time its whitney who […]

Jul 11th 2003

some dufuses keep on a slanderin’

when mitt romney initiated the rescue of some drowning boaters, massachusetts politicians practically called it an act of treason:
“what?! he was where?! why wasn’t he in his office? Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and the money given to the poor?”
this is–pretty clearly–slander.
its fine to disagree with people. […]

Jul 11th 2003

harry potter in trouble with heavy potting soil

jk rowling, author of the harry potter series (that everyone but me has read), is being sued by the struggling k-mart corporation, maker of a product called “heavy potting soil.” k-mart alleges the british author has achieved her success with the series because of the household name:
“everybody has a bag of k-mart’s “heavy potting […]

Jul 11th 2003

bush to head small african nation

in light of his slumping popularity in the polls, and in an effort to squelch criticism that he is uninterested in foreign affairs, president george w bush announced tuesday that he will enter the presidential race of a yet-to-be-determined african nation. the announcement comes in the middle of his more than ten-nation african tour.
“there […]

Jul 10th 2003

doors are not a hazard

the other day, i walked across campus to take care of some business at the university bookstore. i was about 30 feet away from the building when a girl who had reached the door glanced back, and, for some reason, decided to hold it open for me. it took me 5 or 6 […]