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Archive for September, 2004

Sep 30th 2004

Here Come the Expos; Enemy to Public Schools

As every sports fan knows, the Montreal Expos are moving to Washington D.C., and receiving a welcoming gift of a free, taxpayer funded stadium. As every resident of the D.C. area knows, the public schools in D.C. suck. And I’m not just talking about the ritual passing of guns through windows to avoid […]

Sep 28th 2004

MST3K humor not only for nerds: satire works for sports, too

if you were a fan of mystery science theater 3000, you’ll enjoy the new show on the ESPN classic network called cheap seats. it’s the funniest thing on TV right now. and while it follows the model of MST3K in that a couple of wiseacres crack jokes about whatever’s on the screen, it […]

Sep 27th 2004

best news article EVER

i recently found an article tacked to my cork board that i had ripped out of the daily universe back in october 2002. you know it means a lot to me because it survived 5 moves. here it is, entitled: “student breaks femur trying to stop rollerblader on campus.” i’ve bolded my […]

Sep 22nd 2004

UVSC Debate Rages

Sean Hannity has offered to debate Michael Moore at UVSC. Unfortunately, Moore admits that he isn’t a debater, since logic is required. So, Hannity is still offering to speak at the school for FREE. He apparently does not require the $40,000 per diem for food and personal hygiene items.
Also, read the comments that […]

Sep 20th 2004

Michael Moore: Really really really ridiculously unintelligent

Why should Michael Moore not be given a podium by any institution of higher learning?
Celsius 41.11
The idiocy of this man knows no end.

Sep 17th 2004

UVSC: The Zoolander School For Administrators Who Can’t Read Good

Utah Valley State College, always eager to set itself apart, has reinforced it’s statewide image as “that other school near BYU.”
In a a not-so-surprising move for a school populated by functionally illiterate administrators, UVSC has decided to spend $40,000 to bring Michael Moore to its campus. Unable to entice the world’s fattest pundit with […]

Sep 16th 2004

thx 1138

From all-encompassingly reader Briant:
While perusing the entertainment section of my school paper the other day, I read a review about last week�s re-release of THX 1138, a 1971 film by George Lucas. The critic based the bulk of his evaluation on the fact that the theater was empty on a Saturday night and therefore […]

Sep 15th 2004

The Real Worry About Kerry’s Campaign

While Republicans are elated at the utter disarray of John F. Kerry’s campaign, there is something all voters can draw from the situation. Surprisingly, former Gore 2000 campaign chief Tony Coelho hit the nail on the head:
“It also starts to impact in regard to the whole image of leadership. If someone can’t control a […]

Sep 15th 2004

Marcelo Bielsa Resigns

The coach of the Argentine national soccer team resigned yesterday. In pure winning percentage he is tops in Argentina’s history. Yet despite the Olympic gold medal a few weeks ago, he has been scorned by many Argentines since the collapse of the team in the 2002 World Cup.
Nonetheless, Bielsa is a class act, […]

Sep 14th 2004

John/John – The Ambigiously “Foreign Policy” Duo!

From yesterday’s news:
Senator Kerry is accusing the Bush administration of letting what he described as a “nuclear nightmare” develop in North Korea by refusing to deal with Pyongyang when Mr. Bush first came to office in 2001.
And yet, what would John/John do to curb the nuclear crisis in Iran? Almost the exact same thing […]