all-encompassingly

we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Aug 28th 2006

2L job search

i spent the better part of one weekend this august writing letters to potential employers. while i was scouring the websites of firms across the country, several things caught my eye (some good, some bad). one good thing is this heartwarming article, from greenberg traurig. some excerpts:

Greenberg Traurig still seeks students with high grade-point averages. Now, however, it is going for more. It is seeking candidates who also have business experience or at least an affinity for business issues. Further, it is looking for traits such as a proven ability to take initiative, think creatively and solve practical problems.
:::
[students who have participated in extracurricular activities, despite having lower grades] usually have more maturity, a greater sense of responsibility and greater “people skills” than students who just attend class and perhaps get to work on the law review. As one managing partner says, “These kids generally stay with us and contribute more to the success of our firm than their straight-A counterparts.” [read the whole thing]

since reading this, i’ve actually been able to look myself in the mirror–something i hadn’t been able to do since spring semester grades came out. if what they say is true — that my life outside of school may count in a job interview — i may, yet, be validated as a worthwhile human being (doug even more so).

::::::::::

#2: i read this blurb on the recruiting page of crowell & moring LLP:

perhaps you would like to work with a former Counsel to the President of the United States in advising clients on complex questions of government ethics law?

see bullet point #3

bill clinton. that’s the president she’s talking about. and *cough* ethics. [see her bio] this attorney was the one in charge of instructing bill clinton on ethics during the last two years of his presidency. and not just any ethics, she was (apparently) explaining “complex questions of government ethics law” to him. BJ could not grasp the most basic of ethics:

  • don’t abuse your fiduciary position to engage in sodomy with your staff.
  • don’t lie under oath.
  • don’t use military resources to launch an attack in a foreign land if said attack is solely meant to draw attention away from your other ethical problems.
  • don’t engage in shady real estate deals that, if they go sour, would be worth killing someone to keep secret.
  • don’t pardon people just because they donate large sums of money to your political activities.
  • don’t trash the white house and steal stuff when you have to leave.
  • after you’re out of office and you worry people will notice you repeatedly refused to prosecute osama bin laden, don’t send your former national security advisor to the national archives to steal documents by stuffing them in his socks and down his pants.
  • (etc. you know i could go on.)
  • [update, 5 january 2006: i’ve changed the asterisks to a list using the < li > tag in HTML. i note this because it affects a quibble i made with one comment below.]

    ….let alone the complex nuances of government ethics law. i can’t imagine what her job must have been like. wait. yes, i can. it would be a lot like the frustration a day-care worker experiences while laying down the law to a 2 1/2 year old:

    can i….

    no. people would notice. the gold in fort knox has to stay there. just write a fake book about your life if you need money. heck, get creative. call it, “my life” if you want.

    – – –

    can i….

    no. the ladies’ wimbledon singles champion usually doesn’t get invited to the white house as a special guest. i don’t even think sharapova would come, and we’re certainly not leaving you alone with her.
    – – –

    can i…

    NO. no president has ever divorced his wife while in office. if she won’t go down to mcdonalds to get you that cheeseburger you wanted, just ask one of the interns to go.

    et cetera. this would go on pretty much the whole time, whenever they would have a meeting about “ethics.” then she’d leave, and he’d do the unethical stuff anyway.

    ::::::::::

    #3 (a good thing): one nevada firm had this to say on a page describing its practice:

    Committed to Family

    Ellsworth, Moody & Bennion realize that its greatest success takes place outside the office, within the walls of the individual homes. The family atmosphere permeates the office.

    grounded. classy. doctrinally correct. i like that.

    ok. that’s all the fun stuff i found while i was looking for jobs.

    9 Responses to “2L job search”

    1. Cuz

      “*don’t use military resources to launch an attack in a foreign land if said attack is solely meant to draw attention away from your other ethical problems.”

      I wonder what foreign land your talking about? Is it the bombing that coincided with Monica Lewinsky’s grand jury testimony? You’re completely right, a clear cut case of waging the dog. I think with hindsight on our side it’s obvious al Qaeda was never threat to America, and Bill Clinton wasted our time and resources trying to kill, who was it? Osama something, I’m sure it’s not important who the actual target was. I’ve never heard that name pop up in the news since then.

      We should of been focusing on the people who would later mastermind 9/11, you know Iraq.

      Or are you refering to Operation Desert Fox in Iraq, which Clinton launched while the house debated his impeachment. Another case of wasting our military resources just to fill up newspaper headlines. As you pointed out in a latter bullet-

      “*after you’re out of office and you worry people will notice you repeatedly refused to prosecute osama bin laden…”

      You are exactly right, he should have been going after Bin Laden, not Iraq. I mean really, what kind of idiot would attack Iraq, when the real threat is Bin Laden.

      Thanks for the post Travis. I find short power point stlye bullets, free of any pesky details, are often the best way to gain a robust knowledge of international affairs, history, and truthiness.

      It’s clear your poor grades are to be blamed on some idiot commie proffesor, who hates the taste of truth so much he vomits it up on freedom fighters like yourself. What other reason could it possibly be, your research skills are as sharp as Tomahawk missle. And you know the most effective way to use that merciless killing machine you call a brain, targeting sodimites who haven’t held a politcal office for six years. Good work, it’s people like you who will eventually win this war on fellatio.

      Keep up the good fight, Brother!

    2. It’s clear your poor grades are to be blamed on some idiot commie proffesor, who hates the taste of truth so much he vomits it up on freedom fighters like yourself.

      i never said anything about my professors. they were great. i had several liberal ones. i actually got my few high grades in their classes.

      What other reason could it possibly be, your research skills are as sharp as Tomahawk missle.

      as are your spelling skills.

      I wonder what foreign land your talking about? Is it the bombing that coincided with Monica Lewinsky’s grand jury testimony? You’re completely right, a clear cut case of waging the dog. I think with hindsight on our side it’s obvious al Qaeda was never threat to America, and Bill Clinton wasted our time and resources trying to kill, who was it? Osama something

      i agree with you on one point. clinton should have taken out osama when he had the chance. our disagreement surrounds his chosen method and timing. you seem to already concede that the timing was odd. good for you. it took place in 1998, on the third day of the grand jury in the lewinsky thing. he ordered a cruise missile strike on what was called a “million to one” chance. [source] yet he was offered osama on two different occasions, once in 1996 and again in 2000. both times he and his administration failed to act on the offers. [source]

      You are exactly right, he should have been going after Bin Laden, not Iraq. I mean really, what kind of idiot would attack Iraq, when the real threat is Bin Laden.

      sudan. he attacked a pharmaceutical factory in sudan. (but my research skills are bad?)

      Clinton ordered cruise-missile strikes on a bin Laden camp in Afghanistan and the al-Shifa pharmaceutical plant in Sudan. But the strikes were at best ineffectual. There was little convincing evidence that the pharmaceutical factory, which administration officials believed was involved in the production of material for chemical weapons, actually was part of a weapons-making operation, and the cruise missiles in Afghanistan missed bin Laden and his deputies. [source]

      you ask what idiot would attack somewhere other than where osama is. another good question! the same idiot who thinks it is a good idea to wage an all-out assault on terrorists, the rogue states that support them, and states not in compliance with international resolutions meant to assure the world they do not have the capabilities to stock the terrorists’ murderous jihad: bushitler!

      George W. Bush has made it clear he sees [clinton’s “wag the dog” incident] as a model of how not to strike back at terrorism. “When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt,” Bush reportedly told a group of senators. “It’s going to be decisive.” [source]

      sadly for the terrorists, george bush does not randomly fire missiles at tents. 🙁

      And you know the most effective way to use that merciless killing machine you call a brain, targeting sodimites who haven’t held a politcal office for six years.

      the post wasn’t really an attack on bill clinton. in the course of visiting numerous boring, sterile law firm websites, i came across a few that stood out for their content (either interesting or–in the case of the former bill clinton ethics advisor–funny). i blogged about them.

      really, all you need is a sedative. calm down. nobody’s going to hurt your buddy, bill. we’re not attacking him. it’s ok. take a deep breath, try out your spell check, and come back when your oozing BDS has firmed up a little bit into a nice, healthy stool.

      [link added, for those who aren’t familiar with BDS. thanks, doug, for pointing that out.]

      i made what i thought was a very apropos joke. somebody wants me to apply to their firm, advertising that they have bill clinton’s former ethics advisor on staff. that is funny. that is, like, baseline–most basic–funny. it is like the most simple set-up, punch imaginable. this is what comedians do (although i am not one). they put two incongruent items together and it elicits a physiological response called “laughter.” try laughing some time, it can really help you relax when your political party keeps losing elections to some guy who can’t even say “nuclear.”

      i fleshed out my humorous scenario of bill clinton and ethics issues with bullet points, for emphasis (you called them “power point stlye bullets,” but they are just asterisks–no microsoft office software required. just held down shift and pressed 8.). if you had a little less BDS (or fewer cups of coffee today), perhaps you could take a joke.

    3. M.McD

      Your hypothetical comments on Clinton’s ethics are freeking hilarious. keep it up!

    4. doug

      …come back when your oozing BDS has firmed up a little bit into a nice, healthy stool.

      BDSIBS…so many acronyms… Help!

    5. Excellent response to the bds man, travis. I enjoy such responses.

      Good luck with 2L Fall Interviews. It sucks. But Phoenix and Las Vegas are both great places to look.

    6. John

      How do you spot an anal law student? He can’t help but point out the spelling errors of his critics.

    7. How do you spot an anal law student? He can’t help but point out the spelling errors of his critics.

      wow, great point. did you also notice how he called me stupid? i think it is fair, as part of my response, to point out that he misspelled several simple words, like “professor,” “missile,” and “wagging.”

      is it acceptable that i noted he mistook sudan for iraq? or did i do that also because i’m anal?

    8. […] Cuz and John, comments, Aug 2006 [link] Someone could use a lesson in reading comprehension. That someone is you, doug. […]

    9. […] 2L job search (it was all i hoped it would be–and more) […]