we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Jan 13th 2006

(801) 756-34xx


what would you do if you called a phone number and when the person answered, you realized you had the wrong number? not call that number again? not call that number every week for over a month, sometimes multiple times a day? no? me neither.

but not the person that i will henceforth refer to as “utah retard.” it all started when she called three times in a row once back in early december. our conversation went something like this:

me: “hi, this is travis.”
her: “oh, wrong number.”

she called back twice more that day. and still continues to call occasionally, sometimes several times in succession.

my voicemail message clearly states who i am. so what’s the problem, 801-756-34xx? i am not so much bothered by your calls, just amazed that someone could have your particular disorder.

UPDATE: i have X’d out the last two digits because if i leave them there, the terrorists have won.

3 Responses to “(801) 756-34xx”

  1. Yeah, when my number was 867-5309 I was getting like 90 calls a day.

  2. Umm.. do you wish to incur her wrath? I’d lose my head if my number were posted on the www. so prominently.

    Not that she hasn’t, apparently, already lost her head..

    And have you considered that she might be a stalker? You could totally play with her head if so. Just answer “Hey baby..”

    But I can understand how you might feel – I lost the last remaining semblances of my temper when a drunkard called me three times in a row looking for Phil, who resides probably nowhere within a one mile radius of my house, whoever he is. *PHIL IS DEAD!! HE DIED IN A DRUNK DRIVING CRASH!! MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE UP DRINKING!!** One of those things you wish you had said instead of just half-unintelligably at last getting accross a level of anger that manages to strike the numbed senses of a drunkard, who does not call again, at fear of death.

  3. […] if this is your phone number, i have dubbed you “missouri retard.” like utah retard before you, you have fallen into the unfortunate pattern of dialing my number every day, apparently for no reason at all. sometimes multiple times per day. once, i answered and you hung up. another time, i tried to call the number — same result. […]