March 03, 2005

Jon Stewart - Cautiously Optimistic; Nancy Soderberg - Hoping For the Worst

If you want to enter the twilight zone of liberal foriegn policy wonkery, watch the six minute clip of Jon Stewart interviewing Nancy Soderberg, author of The Superpower Myth: The Use and Misuse of American Might.

Favorite quotes (courtesy James Taranto):

Stewart: He's gonna be a great--pretty soon, Republicans are gonna be like, "Reagan was nothing compared to this guy." Like, my kid's gonna go to a high school named after him, I just know it.

Soderberg: Well, there's still Iran and North Korea, don't forget. There's hope for the rest of us.

---------------------

Soderberg: There's always hope that this might not work.

Amazing stuff...

I love how the bulk of the segment was devoted to debunking the premise of the book, namely that American might has been misused by the Bush administration.

Watch the video here, click on the Nancy Soderberg clip.

Posted by doug at 12:18 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

February 19, 2005

audio: napoleon dynamite soundboard featuring napoleon and pedro quotes

hear your favorite napoleon dynamite quotes in soundbyte audio form at albinoblacksheep.com. there's a napoleon dynamite soundboard and a pedro sanchez soundboard.

tip of the hat to mason.

Posted by travis at 11:16 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 12, 2005

Another Karl Rove Coup?

Every Republican's favorite Democrat was officially elected DNC Chair.

dean_dnc.jpg

Posted by doug at 11:16 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 09, 2005

Where have we been?

Ice fishing in Alaska of course!

If no movie appears, click here to download Macromedia Flash Player 7.

Posted by doug at 11:09 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 04, 2005

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Just when you think that the United States was as litigious as possible, you read something like this:

Two teenage girls decided one summer's evening to skip a dance where there might be cursing and drinking to stay home and bake cookies for their neighbors.

Big mistake.

They were sued, successfully, for an unauthorized cookie drop on one porch.

The July 31 deliveries consisted of half a dozen chocolate-chip and sugar cookies accompanied by big hearts cut out of red or pink construction paper with the message: "Have a great night."

...

Inside one of the nine scattered rural homes south of Durango that got cookies that night, a 49-year-old woman became so terrified by the knocks on her door around 10:30 p.m. that she called the sheriff's department. Deputies determined that no crime had been committed.

But Wanita Renea Young ended up in the hospital emergency room the next day after suffering a severe anxiety attack she thought might be a heart attack.

But it even gets more ridiculous:
The girls wrote letters of apology to Young. Taylor's letter, written a few days after the episode, said in part: "I didn't realize this would cause trouble for you. ... I just wanted you to know that someone cared about you and your family."

The families had offered to pay Young's medical bills if she would agree to indemnify the families against future claims.

Young wouldn't sign the agreement. She said the families' apologies rang false and weren't delivered in person. The matter went to court.

Young said she believes that the girls should not have been running from door to door late at night.

"Something bad could have happened to them," she said.

[source]

Something bad....yeah, like getting sued!

Posted by doug at 11:56 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

January 27, 2005

Only Because I'm Blonde Too...

Another joke from everyone's favorite genre of humor.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Posted by doug at 09:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Grocery Ads for the Mathematically Challenged

cookiesale.jpg

As they say, you just can't make this stuff up.

This ad is courtesy of Smith's, a grocery store here in Provo, Utah.

Perhaps there were complaints from some Provo High students as to the confusing price structure of 10 cent cookies.

Those pesky decimal points are so hard to move around!















Posted by doug at 10:24 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

January 24, 2005

Steve Ballmer Plugs Windows 1.0

Here's a funny video of current Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer back in the 1980's pitching Windows 1.0

Although not aired on TV apparently, it was made for Microsoft employees.

If no movie appears, click here to download Macromedia Flash Player 7.

Many thanks go to the Spanish blog tintachina for providing this code to bloggers everywhere.

Posted by doug at 11:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 20, 2005

a petition won't stop ashlee, but it's fun

a petition won't stop ashlee if there are enough 13 year olds still watching her show and buying her CDs to make the ashlee simpson juggernaut profitable. however, signing the petition may show the snake oil salesmen (geffen records execs and simpson's father) that they need to stop forcing her upon us elsewhere--like SNL and the orange bowl.

the site, stopashlee.com has become quite popular; i added my signature to the petition a few minutes ago and mine was signature number 120,195. i wrote:

"your shameless promotion of ashlee simpson is an insult to every artist that has to earn his or her own success."

other notable comments include, "burn her", "please think of the children", and "There should be a petition to sterilize Joe Simpson."

view the signatures, or sign the petition.

if you are not up to speed on the ashlee fiasco, watch the SNL lip-sinc video and the orange bowl live vocals video.

Posted by travis at 08:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

napoleon dynamite quotes, letterman top ten video

IMDB has a list of memorable quotes from napoleon dynamite. my favorite interactions in the movie are between (1) napoleon and uncle rico (2) kip and anyone (3) uncle rico and steak. the following is an example of 1 & 3:

Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!

we are still hosting the video clip of jon heder in character as napoleon reading the late show's "top ten signs you're not the most popular guy in your high school". download or stream the video here. and we continue to recommend--quite vigorously--that everyone purchase the DVD.

Posted by travis at 02:46 AM | Comments (66) | TrackBack

January 18, 2005

When a Japanese baby is born....

This is our first (of many!) video posts. This is an ad produced in Australia, showing the birth of the average Japanese baby.

Just press play, and enjoy!

If no movie appears, click here to download Macromedia Flash Player 7.

Many thanks go to the Spanish blog tintachina for providing this code to bloggers everywhere.

Posted by doug at 03:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

mark cuban on randy moss' "fake-moon"

like most sane, normal people, i imagined the worst when ESPN sportscenter wouldn't even show randy moss' "tasteless" touchdown celebration the morning after minnesota beat green bay last week. i can't remember exactly, but i think one anchor might have said, "randy has finally gone over the edge" or something to that effect.

"did he slaughter a calf in the endzone? perform a clintonesque act on the packers mascot? it must have been something positively scandalous!", i thought.

since it was "too obscene" for TV, i could only read about it online. WHERE I LEARNED IT WAS A "FAKE-MOON" (in other words, it was FAKE!).

later, i saw the video. it was DEFINITELY a fake moon, lasting all of, oh, half-a-second. no nudity. no dead livestock. the TV announcer for the game, fox's joe buck, called the celebration, "disgusting" and said, he was "shocked that we aired it live."

naturally, the NFL fined moss $10,000 (they must have taken note of all the sports anchors fainting).

it makes me wonder if these people have ever ridden on a school bus before.

mark cuban suggests that, in the future, when posterity looks back at the incident, the joke will be on all the breathless journalists who huffed and puffed at this nonexistant controversy.

While Randy Moss will be able to laugh about the response and soon forget about it, those in the media will find their future peers snickering at them. “Hey, you’re the guy that got all bent out of shape when Randy Moss faked mooning the crowd. It was a joke, right? You were kidding about it. Right? Please tell me you weren’t serious...You were. Really?...that’s interesting. And you are supposed to be one of the better journalists of your time? Good for you. Must have been interesting times.”
[read it all]

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January 14, 2005

video: napoleon dynamite reading letterman's top 10 list

napoleond.jpg

i promised my dentist, a native of preston, idaho, that we would post this video featuring the late show's "top ten signs you're not the most popular guy in your high school". napoleon dynamite (jon heder) presents the list.

and remember, kids: hygiene, tetherball, and bowhunting skills are the key to being popular with your peers. for complete instructions, get the napoleon dynamite DVD.

Posted by travis at 07:50 PM | Comments (25) | TrackBack

January 07, 2005

video: simpson booed off stage for crime against humanity

bad_fake_star

a brief, but damning clip of the former lip-synchers atrocious performance at the orange bowl halftime show is here: [Ashlee Simpson Booed Off Stage]. many thanks to lipsinc.us for hosting the video. [listen really close between the 20 & 22 second mark on the clip. you'll hear someone shout, "YOU SUCK!"]. after the show, ashlee was consoled by the water-bearing lady.

if her career isn't over now, it will never die. she will be known as the indestructable woman; nations will fear her and jungle animals will flee from her presence. for the love of all that is holy, let her career be over. she sucks. sorry to be so harsh; if she's sad, she can go spend some of her millions of dollars she got by duping consumers.

for our coverage of ashlee's past problems and professional failures, see the following posts:

ashlee simpson: manufactured by MTV, deconstructed by SNL
simp-sinc saga continues

for better, (but cruder) descriptions of ashlee and her latest issues i recommend:

tony pierce on how the music execs are to blame
anthony russell on how virtuous girls should not follow ashlee's example

Posted by travis at 12:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 22, 2004

christmas anti-cheer

recently, while watching television, i overheard the most retarded quotation of the modern era. i blogged it here, and mason of provo pulse kindly quoted me on his blog.

the reaction on this blog centered on whether jesus could really be said to be the "reason" for christmas celebrations, because of the pagan origins of ancient december 25th celebrations.

the discussion on provo pulse, on the other hand, focused on my sloppy journalism, my failure to capitalize the name of diety, and my "abrupt" use of epithets. [link] i have added my response in the comments on that site, and below:

first catch up on the discussion here: http://provopulse.com/home/?q=node/view/571#comment
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i am the author of the piece in question, and i think i should say something in my own defense. i watched the entire exchange on hannity and colmes the other night, and the discussion centered on the issue of whether or not public buildings (especially schools) should allow the singing of christmas carols, the use of the phrase "merry christmas", and the mention of jesus to be sanctioned within their walls.

i posted my thoughts at all-encompassingly before the transcript became available, and when i did get access to the transcript, i read it and put it online immediately. i saw what everyone else here saw--the guest qualified his statements in such a way so that they didn't sound quite as retarded as i claim. but i maintain that his argument is wholly moronic. the fact that his comment is consistent with an utterly absurd argument may trick the likes of the provo princess and laurence burton into accepting it as reasonable [but what would i know: "he didn't capitalize the savior's name or duly acknowledge his official priesthood office (gasp)! he is, therefore, discredited and we must shun him in favor of those who properly punctuate their arguments!"]

GORSKY: What I'm saying is, if you have government-funded events, and they're turned into religious events to promote the idea that Jesus is the reason for the season, that that is wrong.

first of all, how often do government-funded events turn into religious revivals? the final sentence of my post is in response to this claim by gorsky. i never left my elementary school auditorium after singing in the christmas concert feeling "saved" or converted. neither can i envision an instance in which such an event morphs into a religious service. his main point is without merit.

secondly, when timothy gorsky goes on to say, "for (any non-christian religious group), jesus is not the reason for the season" he implies that these groups celebrate christmas alongside christians, but just leave the messy 'christ' part out of their observances. this is pretty ridiculous. jews, hindus, muslims, and buddhists generally do not celebrate christmas. for example, check out this website [http://www.islamonline.net/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=8895], where there is discussion about whether american muslims should celebrate christmas. ironically, the one reason given to celebrate it is that muslims DO believe that jesus was a prophet. whoops! looks like christ could be "the reason for the season" for one muslim out there. but the response from someone else is that, though christmas has become a national holiday, it is still a christian holiday. strike two! and whether or not people of other religious groups see christ as the center of the festivities participated in, with religious connotations, by 80-90% of americans is completely irrelevant. he is.

kc ushijima (who is neither royalty or a good researcher, both of which he claims: "i scoured the transcript--which i found camouflaged in a text link at the bottom of his entry--and located key discrepancies!"), writes:

I'm not a scholar on the Jewish Religion, but to my knowledge, Chanukkah is not about the birth (or even death) of Jesus.

nope. but like the crucifixion, it is meant to counteract his influence. let me quote from judaism 101:

Most American Jews feel a sort of ambivalence about Chanukkah. On the one hand, most of them know that Chanukkah is not a big deal, and they don't want to make a big deal about it. On the other hand, Christmas is everywhere, unavoidable and overwhelming, and Jews want something of their own to counterbalance it. This is the primary motivation behind elaborate Chanukkah decorations and enormous Chanukkah menorahs in public areas: Chanukkah is not very important, but asserting our Jewish identity and distinctiveness and existence in the face of overwhelming pressure to conform to a non-Jewish norm is important. [source]

looks like christmas is the reason for the season--even for jews! and if jesus is the reason for christmas, well...just put together this simple hypothetical syllogism: if jesus then christmas, if christmas then chanukka. therefore if jesus then chanukka. in addition to this perfectly logical argument, chanukka celebrates something to do with the temple, which (LDS know) had EVERYTHING to do with the messiah.

but going back to your statements...

I think that Jewish people may still celebrate Chanukah around the "holiday" season, even if it weren't for the Christian celebration (and market commercialization) of Jesus' birth.

if either yom kippur or rosh hashana (the two biggest jewish holidays) fell on december 25, your argument might be somewhat convincing. too bad they don't. as jewfaq.org admits, chanukka is hyped because of christmas, and christmas is because of jesus.

and i'm still searching online chat rooms for the huge (but SECRET!) hindu holiday that falls in december and that is the cause for so much december revelry among members of that religious sect.

getting back to the real question: what kind of learning have we engendered in our public schools? isn't it odd that our schools (purpose: to educate america's youth) are being asked to disguise or ignore the real story of christmas in the name of the oft-misapplied 'separation of church and state'? it's insane, if you ask me. and i still argue that gorsky's words were retarded--no matter how consistent they have been shown to be with his ludicrous position.

Posted by travis at 02:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 17, 2004

Who is running PR for Michael Jackson?

Regular all-encompassingly reader and esteemed scholar Dr. Richard Kimball sent us the following tidbit from the news today, with comments in italics:

Michael Jackson hosts 200 children at Neverland party

LOS OLIVOS, Calif. Pop singer Michael Jackson today greeted some two hundred children who were brought to his Neverland ranch to play in its amusement park.

"I hope you have a wonderful day. Merry Christmas. I love you,” (emphasis added, but we know it was implied) the pop singer called out to the children from the driveway of his estate.

Jackson, who faces trial next year on child molestation charges next year, appeared happy in the few minutes he spoke to the arriving throng (does anyone wonder why he was happy?).

Jackson spokesman Raymone K. Bain (I bet you he doesn’t observe “Take your child to work day”) said he chose to make an unusual personal appearance as a surprise for the last group of children touring Neverland before the Christmas holidays.

Bain said there was no relationship between the event and Jackson's upcoming trial. (But there will be a relation between this and a future court date)

Santa Barbara County authorities have charged Jackson with molesting a (many) boy(s), conspiracy and administering an intoxicating agent, alcohol, to his alleged victim(s).

The visitors, from six organizations and ranging in age from about three or four years to teenage, (mostly boys) were bused to Neverland and then rode a train up from the parking lot (where they were served “hot chocolate” with a Jackson favorite flavor).

Copyright 2004 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten (ha), or redistributed.

You can read the entire article here.


Posted by doug at 07:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2004

most retarded quotation of the modern era

some guy from some atheist organization went on national tv last night and defended the expelling of christmas carols from public schools with this statement:

"jesus is not the reason for christmas."

hey idiot! if christ isn't the reason for christmas, then what's the problem with singing about him in the darn songs? he must not be the reason for the songs, either (the songs all just happen to mention him).

hey, i think we've found our solution! normal americans go on singing the songs. you go on telling yourself that god doesn't exist and that christ is a figment of people's imaginations. sweet!

on the other hand, christmas (besides the curiously religious-sounding root of the word--i'll look into it!) is a federal holiday. religion--civil religion, not some state church--is an integral part of our national culture. it does contribute to public morality (without which the people could not be governed). crapola, it's important!

so give us all a break, moronic atheists, from your assumptions that EVERY.SINGLE.MENTION.OF.GOD. is somehow an unpardonable proselytistic act by an oppressive state religion.
- - - - - -
UPDATE I: here's the transcript. the guy's name is timothy gorsky, from the church of free thought.

UPDATE II: for further discussion, check out the comments below the post here.

Posted by travis at 02:00 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

December 12, 2004

kobe bryant: "nobody treats my wife that way--except me!"

bryant_is_a_whiny_narcissist.jpg

kobe has publicly denounced karl malone for apparently "coming on" to the young NBA superstar's wife a few weeks ago. he was upset that someone would treat his wife so disrespectfully.

this is curious, considering kobe currently charged with raping a young hotel worker in colorado. even if the facts point to his innocence with regard to rape, he is undeniably and admittedly guilty of cheating on his wife and (i'm just guessing here) hurting her feelings.

why the double standard, then? why couldn't kobe quietly deal with this in private?

because kobe is a huge narcissist, who can't stand to have any other talented players on the same team with him. he chased out shaquille o'neill, one of the NBA's all-time greatest centers last year, adding some tasty parting shots about shaquille's own problems with marital infidelity. he also managed to chase away one of the NBA's all-time winningest coaches, phil jackson, after the pampered star's drama-queen antics contributed to the coach's first-ever NBA finals loss in 10 trips.

kobe, we know you live in LA, but life doesn't need to imitate the soap operas! get over yourself! and jerry (buss, lakers' owner): are you starting to see that you made the wrong choice for your 'franchise' player? this might have been prevented by simply perusing your players' grade school report cards, looking for the phrase "does not work/play well with others".

Posted by travis at 11:56 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 04, 2004

The Record Books

HR - Single Season
1 Barry Bonds 2001 73*
2 Mark McGwire 1998 70**
3 Sammy Sosa 1998 66***
4 Mark McGwire 1999 65**
5 Sammy Sosa 2001 64***
6 Sammy Sosa 1999 63***
7 Roger Maris 1961 61
8 Babe Ruth 1927 60
9 Babe Ruth 1921 59
10 Mark McGwire 1997 58**

* Used performance enhancing flaxseed oil

** Took "andro" (androstenedione)

*** Caught corking his bat after setting these records; may have also used a product similar to Bonds' arthritis rubbing balm

Posted by doug at 04:25 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 25, 2004

dave barry on thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving, america. on this solemn occasion, please consider the words of dave barry:

Thanksgiving is also a spiritual time of quiet reflection -- a time when we pause to remember, as generations have remembered before us, that an improperly cooked turkey is -- in the words of the U.S. Department of Agriculture -- ``a ticking Meat Bomb of Death.''

Yes, it is a tragic but statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, undercooked turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans (source: Dan Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes -- in cases of extreme undercooking -- the turkey actually springs up from the carving platter and pecks the would-be carver to death.

The only way to be sure you've killed all the bacteria in your turkey is to cook it until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast melts, indicating that the turkey has attained the same internal temperature as the sun. ''Basically,'' advises the Surgeon General, ''you want to be serving your family a 16-pound charcoal briquette.''

Of course, not everybody is comfortable with the idea of eating turkeys, which are, let's face it, living organisms, like dogs, or celery. You may wonder: Is there a more humanitarian option that you can serve for Thanksgiving dinner? There certainly is: It's tofu, a semi-foodlike substance secreted by soybeans as a defense mechanism. Tofu can be used as a high-protein meat substitute, as well as a denture adhesive or tile grout. In its natural state, tofu is tasteless and odorless, but if you form it into a turkey-shaped lump, season it well, add gravy and bake it for two hours in a shallow pan at 350 degrees, you can also use it for minor driveway repairs." [link]

Posted by travis at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 17, 2004

humor: bush appointees and phlebotomies

two funny things caught my eye today. the first is from james taranto of the wall street journal.

President Bush has appointed Margaret Spellings, a White House domestic-policy adviser, to be secretary of education. During the press conference announcing the appointment, Spellings said, "I am joined today . . . by my husband, Robert."

Were we ever relieved to learn she was married. The Education Department is the last place you want to find Miss Spellings.

secondly, we have this gem, found in the classifieds of utah's "city weekly"

phleb.jpg

imagine that! a glamorous career in phlebotomy is just a phone call away!

these two items are, of course, unrelated (except for the fact that "phlebotomy" sounds a little bit like "lobotomy" and most bush-haters have, one time or other, joked that the president has had that procedure done. but that's a bit of a stretch. let's just say they're unrelated).

Posted by travis at 02:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 12, 2004

simultaneously pitiful and hilarious

i haven't browsed through all the pictures on this site yet. i'm saving it for a day when i'm feeling really depressed and need some sort of pick-me-up.

it's called "sorry everybody", and purports to apologize to the world for the results of the recent presidential election. thanks for the great pictures! i promise they'll all be uploaded to uglypeople.com within the week!

another thing that has literally made my day is the newsweek story written from inside the kerry campaign. [link] it seems to confirm everything i've ever assumed about john kerry, but was afraid to actually believe.

UPDATE: if you've combed through kos, the democratic underground, and sorry everybody, but still thirst for more "inspiring obstinance" from the rabidly anti-bush, try this 14-year old kid's blog.

Posted by travis at 01:32 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 10, 2004

al-qaeda, al-jazeera to merge

in a move that most are calling "unsurprising", al-qaeda, the world's foremost terror and death cult, and al-jazeera, the 24-hour beheading channel, today announced a merger that analysts expect to benefit the arab world for years to come.

al-qaeda has been looking to consolidate its propaganda and unfounded lies departments with a viable communication vehicle. al-jazeera's television and internet divisions will be a welcome addition to the al-qaeda family.

al-jazeera is expected to enjoy a much-needed popularity boost among it's viewers. having long been accused of being "a puppet outfit of al-qaeda, much like prime minister allawi is a puppet of the american imperialists", al-jazeera will now enjoy the status of a legitimate arm of the al-qaeda organization.

western contributors are likely to include the likes of michael moore, sean penn, barbara streisand, and al franken. keith olbermann was in consideration for a nightly show until executives began to suspect he is a jew, and the offer was withdrawn. olbermann said he took no offense, saying specifically, "no, i'm not offended. look, i'm an enlightened intellectual. i don't need to prop myself up with religious nonsense. i will continue to support any group that is anti-american, regardless of its other positions."

when asked if the break in beheading coverage would demoralize al-jazeera's viewing audience, an executive for the respected news group answered, "of course not. we'll be working with the religious freedom fighters to streamline the whole beheading process--the wailing, the threats, the invocations of the name of allah, and the actual hacking itself--to make things go as quickly as they need to go. i assure you that you'll be seeing more beheadings--not less."

UPDATE--breaking news: DUBAI (AFP) - Iraqi Defence Minister Hazem Shaalan branded the popular Arabic-language satellite television Al-Jazeera a "channel of terrorism", in a newspaper interview.

That brought a sharp reaction from the broadcaster, which expressed its "utter outrage" at what it said was an "unsubstantiated allegation".

"Al-Jazeera is a channel of terrorism. That is clear and we say openly and without hesitation: Al-Jazeera is a channel of terrorism," Shaalan was quoted by the London-based Arabic newspaper Asharq Al-Awsat as saying.

The Qatar-based station, which has been banned from reporting in Iraq since early August, has frequently been accused by US and Iraqi authorities of inciting violence by screening "exclusive" videotapes from Islamic militants, including Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden.

Despite the ban, the 24-hour news channel is often first to announce breaking news from the war-ravaged country, including kidnappings and beheadings of foreign hostages as well as statements from militant groups.

Shaalan charged that Iraqi "terrorist" Omar Hadeed, who he alleged has links to Al-Qaeda, is a brother of Al-Jazeera's office director in Iraq, Hamed Hadeed.

He also said the journalist was receiving videos showing beheadings in the restive Iraqi city of Fallujah from his brother.

Al-Jazeera has denied that its Iraq director has any relationship with Omar Hadeed.

Asharq Al-Awsat reported on Friday that Omar Hadeed is a former bodyguard of Saddam Hussein and a top aide to Iraq's most wanted man, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and that he led the battle against US and Iraqi forces in Fallujah.

"We consider him a terrorist for attacking and killing national guard forces as well as multinational forces," said Shaalan.

Some 10,000 US troops, backed by 2,000 Iraqi forces, launched an assault on Fallujah on November 8 to wrest control of the city from rebels.

"Let God curse all those who terrorise Iraqi citizens and children of Iraq, be they journalists or others. The day will come when we will take (measures) against Al-Jazeera other than by words," the minister warned.

He said the channel continues to operate in Iraq "secretly, in contravention of the law."

In its response Tuesday, Al-Jazeera expressed its "deep concern about these allegations that are tantamount to inciting violence against the channel's employees.

"Consequently, the channel has initiated a process in which these claims are looked at from a legal perspective, with a view to ensuring the safety of its people, in addition to safeguarding its reputation.

"While Al-Jazeera channel is dismayed with this smear campaign, it nevertheless asserts that the only judge of its professional integrity is the millions of people around the world who look upon it as the news source of choice. [via LGF]

Posted by travis at 04:18 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 07, 2004

Mark Steyn

If there are any all-encompassingly readers who do not regularly frequent marksteyn.com, add it to your list of "must-read" sites today. Not only is he hilarious and brilliant, but his incisive commentary is right on the money.

My favorite from a recent Steyn column on the election:

On election day, I was driving through Vermont and found myself behind a car with a Kerry-Edwards sticker and an Instead of Being Born Again, Why Not Grow Up? sticker. Fair enough, the feeling's mutual: the secular, coastal, libertine Democratic Party has zero appeal to born-again Christians. The problem is the crude numbers: 40 per cent of Americans identify themselves as born-again. So right there you've written off 40 per cent of the electorate. What have you got in return? The gay vote? Five per cent? And Bush got a quarter of that.
So, go visit Steyn's site...and visit often. You won't be disappointed.

Posted by doug at 01:14 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 06, 2004

look up "paranoid" in a dictionary and you'll see...

paranoid:  dan rather.

par·a·noid
--adjective

1. Relating to, characteristic of, or affected with paranoia.
2. Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others: a paranoid suspicion that the phone might be bugged.

--noun
One affected with paranoia, i.e., Dan Rather.

on election night, he seriously inquired of ed bradley whether the white house would be using the blogs again to further their sinister purposes to stop the provisional ballot count in ohio.

[video]
[transcript]

speaking of funny news anchors, did anybody see peter jennings stumble and almost fall after he finally signed off at about 6am EDT wednesday morning? it was a long night for these guys.

Posted by travis at 06:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 26, 2004

simp-sinc saga continues

ashlee simpson cancelled a concert at a utah school today. surely, many impressionable youths were crushed to learn that they would have to listen to her CD on their own stereos, rather than hear it blasted over the school sound system. read the news report and watch the video here. [real player] the clip includes this portion from the today show:

(Ashlee Simpson:) "BUT MY VOICE WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD UP THE SONG ALONG, YA KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS LIKE...UH, YOU KNOW....(PAUSE)...MY DAD WAS REALLY THE ONE WHO WAS LIKE 'HONEY, YOU HAVE TO...' HE PUT DR. SUGARMAN, MY VOCAL DOCTOR, ON THE PHONE WITH ME WHO SAID 'YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO...YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN YOUR VOCAL CORDS IF YOU SING ON 'EM LIKE THIS."

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October 24, 2004

ashlee simpson: manufactured by MTV, deconstructed by SNL

my wife, summer, is way hotter.

ashlee simpson messed up her scheduled lip-sync on saturday night live this weekend. download the hilarious video here [3MB, windows media]. i feel bad for her, but it's only right that the saying applies, "live by the fake image, die by the fake image".

usa today was the first official news outlet to pick up the story:

SNL viewers heard Simpson — her microphone at her side and her mouth closed — singing Pieces of Me, which she had performed earlier on the show. The chagrined singer did a jig before leaving the stage, while her band still played.

Simpson, 20, apologized at the end of the show and blamed her band for playing "the wrong song." Her record label and publicist said it was a computer glitch. [source]

my prediction for the future of her career? the corporate marketing people who created her will send her to guest-star on "newlyweds" a couple of times and she'll be back to rolling in the dough before you can say "manufactured by MTV".

Posted by travis at 08:10 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

October 21, 2004

Kerry: Declare Victory!

From an AP report regarding Kerry's election day strategy, emphasis mine:

"Right now, we have 10,000 lawyers out in the battleground states on Election Day, and that number is growing by the day," said Michael Whouley, a Kerry confidant who is running election operations at the Democratic National Committee.

While the lawyers litigate, political operatives will try to shape public perception. Their goal would be to persuade voters that Kerry has the best claim to the presidency and that Republicans are trying to steal it.

Is irony completely lost on liberals?

Posted by doug at 09:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

teresa to stay-at-home moms: "you're lazy! go out and get a real job."

let them eat cake but let other women raise their children.  butler?  butler?  where is my beluga?

because you've worked and sweated for every cent you have, right teresa? seriously, your statement to USA today fascinates me! especially coming from a woman who, earlier this year, couldn't recognize the chili at a wendy's restaurant.

you, teresa, are such an elitist, it makes me sick.

[read the weekly standard article]

see also:
"shove it!"
"four more years of hell!"
final question of final presidential debate

Posted by travis at 01:55 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 19, 2004

John/John : The Manly Candidates

In the past several days the duo known as John/John to millions of admirers has quashed...I mean QUASHED...any doubt that they are, in fact, the manliest of all duos.

Kerry playing soccer
.

Edwards playing Barbie (with his own hair).

Posted by doug at 05:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 18, 2004

If only Zoolander had brought injury upon the Malaysian Prime Minister...

...then we would be spared his anti-semetic diatribes.

But alas, the Jew-hating has taken a back seat to his most recent crusade: ensuring the election of John Kerry! In a not-so-stunning declaration to American muslims, Dr. Mahathir Mohamad said that voting for Kerry "...is truly an ibadah (act of devotional worship) that you perform."

The fundamental reason to vote for Kerry, according to Mahathir, is that George Bush has been "the cause of the tragedies" around the Muslim world. "In the past four years, during the Presidency of George W. Bush, the Muslims and their countries have suffered oppression and humiliation as never before in the history of Islam."

Oppression? Humiliation? Maybe he feels that the U.S. is oppressing and humiliating...but give me break, can anything beat their current government and religious practices? I for one would be humiliated if I lived in Saudi Arabia, for example, just knowing that people outside the Islamic world knew how we treated women. Good grief.

As a side note, Mahathir didn't elaborate his feeling as to whether blowing oneself in terroristic civil disobience was also an "act of devotional worship", but I'm guessing we can surmise where he stands.

UPDATE: Anti-semites be unafraid! Respected world leaders are coming out in droves to support Kerry. Yasser Arafat has made clear his support for Kerry as well.

Posted by doug at 09:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 16, 2004

Jon Stewart Destroys Crossfire

Daily Show host Jon Stewart was on Crossfire yesterday and was not funny at all. Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala were expecting him to ham it up, but Stewart came out of the gate criticizing Crossfire (and other "political shows") and didn't stop swinging until the end.

The thing is, as Mitch would say, that Stewart is right on in his criticism. Crossfire usually devolves into a shouting match of talking points, just like so many other "debate shows." Why can't we have Michael Kinsley and Pat Buchanan back?

Video -- Transcript

Posted by doug at 04:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 14, 2004

debate roundup: questions we'd like to see

scott ott thinks bob schieffer had some different questions in the bag for last night's debate. some of my favorites:

To Kerry: Given your failure, during two decades in the senate, to introduce legislation to provide healthcare for all Americans, tell us about your most heroic moment in combat in Vietnam?
. . . . .
To Kerry: Sen. Kerry, since you're a child of privilege who attended private schools and married a wealthy heiress, does it shock you that President Bush lacks your sense of compassion for hard-working middle Americans? [link]

Posted by travis at 12:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

debate roundup: john kerry's bizarro world

kerry_scary.jpg

ann coulter provides some insight into what life is like in john kerry world. some excerpts:

[Democrats] call terrorism a "nuisance," like prostitution and other petty crimes. ("Hundreds of Children Killed in Chechnya by Nuisance," "British Civilian Beheaded by Annoyance," "9-11: What a Hassle!"
. . . . .
Kerry told the New York Times he could "do a better job" in the war on terror – which Kerry adviser Richard Holbrooke says is not a war at all, but a metaphor ("Thousands Die in Attack by Metaphor").

He would do a better job, Kerry said, "most importantly – and I mean most importantly – of restoring America's reputation as a country that listens, is sensitive, brings people to our side, is the seeker of peace, not war, and that uses our high moral ground and high-level values to augment us in the war on terror, not to diminish us."

Imagine President John Kerry at the Berlin Wall. "Mr. Gorbachev ... I challenge you to get to an emotional place where you can imagine a different kind of non-wall reality, that fully respects the 'wallness' of your current reality, yet takes us on a spiritual journey in which ..." [link] []

Posted by travis at 12:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 11, 2004

kerry candidacy suffers crushing blow

kerry has held opposing positions on practically every political issue this election cycle. but there was one issue--one issue--about which he was steadfast and immovable! he desired that christopher reeve walk again. he mentioned this central campaign theme in the 2nd debate with president bush--and good thing he mentioned it--because i think most people were rooting against reeve until friday night. but superman is a personal friend of john kerry. so is michael j. fox.

kerry also has several retired generals who support him. and don't forget, some republican congressmen, a republican governor, and the national republican party chairman have made statements he is willing to quote! he also served in vietnam. you may not have known these things! that's why john kerry's campaign decided last friday's debate would have to become--officially--"Name Drop 2004". [read the debate transcript]

in the debate, john kerry took a page out of the door-to-door salesman's book and pretended that, by mentioning, slyly "you know, your neighbor blah blah blah" we would be convinced to buy his product. he dropped names of republican politicians, military men, people with brains, and other obvious conservatives.

spiderman and W pose for photos while discussing what its like to 'kick some major evil-doer a**'.  excellent work by my hot wife to create the image

but sadly, the kerry campaign now has no meaning. the man he wanted to become president to save--has died. i know it's depressing, but look on the bright side. president bush will work to save the life of every soul--not just famous ones.

plus, i heard he's friends with spiderman.
-- -- -- -- --
comments are still down, so allen emails:

Back before the debates, wasn't it Kerry and the gang who warned President Bush about using the victims of 9/11 to get political gain, which they ended up doing themselves... Christopher Reeve dies and Edwards is out blaming it on Bush the very day. It is ridiculous to think that anyone would be walking right now if there were fewer restrictions on stem cell research. They still don't know if embryonic stem cells will even help the spinal cord. As we have all said many times, the Kerry campaign is full of political opportunists with no real agenda or platform. Or even, for that matter, a full brain between the lot of them.

UPDATE: scrappleface documents the ripple effect of edwards' promises among terrorists who are in need of the senator's miraculous healing powers [link]

Posted by travis at 07:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 01, 2004

John Kerry Steals Our Material!

Kerry's position on Iraq has changed quite a bit. He was for the war, against funding it, for it, against it, sort-of for it, totally against it. There is only one term that can accuractely describe his position: all-encompassingly.

Posted by doug at 01:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 28, 2004

MST3K humor not only for nerds: satire works for sports, too

with all those old 'world's strongest man' episodes to mock, you know this show is going to be funny

if you were a fan of mystery science theater 3000, you'll enjoy the new show on the ESPN classic network called cheap seats. it's the funniest thing on TV right now. and while it follows the model of MST3K in that a couple of wiseacres crack jokes about whatever's on the screen, it succeeds in solving (what i believe to have been) MST3K's greatest flaw: the painful lulls in joke-making inherent in ridiculing an entire movie. the show moves quickly with short clips, packing a lot of laughs for a 30 minute show. watch some clips here.

Posted by travis at 02:05 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

September 27, 2004

best news article EVER

this is the actual article i ripped out with my own hand.

i recently found an article tacked to my cork board that i had ripped out of the daily universe back in october 2002. you know it means a lot to me because it survived 5 moves. here it is; i've bolded my favorite parts.

Around 10:30, James Norlem, 23, a junior majoring in Theater and Media Arts, from Omaha, Neb., was walking down Wilkinson Way, heading toward the Tanner Building on a work errand, when he saw a male on rollerblades, said university police information specialist, Greg Barber.

"My husband and I don't like seeing people on campus blatantly disobeying rules and laws," said James' wife, Casey Norlem, 22, a junior majoring in pre-home economics, from Farmington, N.M.

James Norlem approached the man to inform him that rollerblading is not allowed on campus.

"James, out of courtesy, told him it was against the law to save him from a $300 fine," Casey Norlem said.

When the man responded rudely to Norlem and proceeded to leave, Norlem ran after the man and grabbed his backpack. The skater then did a 360 on his blades, and pushed Norlem, throwing him to the ground, said Casey Norlem. The skater fled the scene and not been identified.

Eyewitness Saia Uluave, 22, a sophomore majoring in pre-management, from Provo, Utah County, was sitting on the west side of the Bookstore when the incident occurred. He said he did not think the rollerblader caused Norlem's fall.

Norlem broke his femur and chipped a part of his knee, Casey Norlem said.

She said because of the type of break, Norlem will have to undergo surgery and have pins placed in his bone, after which he will be in a lower-body cast for several weeks. She also said he will not be fully recovered for five to six months.

"It makes me angry that one student decides to not follow the rules and my husband decides to do something about it and now he's going to be in pain and out of function for months," she said.

James Norlem said in the future, he will not try to follow rule-breakers, but rather just get a better description and turn them in later. [out of "courtesy", right, james?)

"Any citizen has the right, when they see a crime occurring, to apprehend or detain the person and turn them over to law enforcement so they can be dealt with appropriately," Barber said.

If the suspect is apprehended, he will be cited in court for a minor offense, similar to a speeding ticket, Barber said.

Casey Norlem said she thinks it is pathetic that a student would purposely break a law, and furthermore, that he did not care that he injured her husband. [link]

i was going to provide a point-by-point fisking of this exhibition of utter stupidity by both the norlems and the reporter, (and even the university police guy who recommended that the norlems tackle and subdue any future "rule or law" breaking recreationists until proper authorities can be procured to deal with them) but the article is just too hilarious, too filled with crap, and too unreal. every single thing that casey norlem breathlessly claims is refuted by eyewitnesses or the laws of probability. that is why this is, indubitably, the best news article ever.

Posted by travis at 01:35 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 22, 2004

UVSC Debate Rages