we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Mar 1st 2003

blog comment policy

[in the form of a legislative enactment]

whereas we like the following rules, we have chosen to adopt them on our blog, almost verbatim. (in other words, please be clear that we are not claiming original authorship of the majority of this material. please compare what we have written here with the GOC’s rules here).

whereas a troll is a subhuman life form, and

whereas a troll is a cross between a banana slug and a pissant, and

whereas one becomes a troll for one of two reasons:

  • The troll is too stupid to have a blog.
  • The troll’s blog is so lame that no one will go to it, so the troll goes to other sites hoping that people will follow a link back to the troll’s blog. What is hilarious about this reasoning is why would anyone want to go to a troll’s blog when the troll is incapable of presenting a rational argument on someone else’s blog? But remember, trolls are inherently stupid.
  • it is resolved that trolls are welcome at this site as long as they follow the rules. If a rule is broken, I will not ask. The troll will leave. I will not tell the troll to leave. I will ban said troll and usually b slap the troll on the way out.

    whereas I have been entirely too indulgent with my trolls.

    it is resolved that I guess I should know better, but, sometimes I think that trolls just might learn sumpin’ from their intellectual superiors.

    it is resolved thatSadly, I am always proven wrong.

    it is resolved thatthis is my blog. I make the rules. I enforce the rules. I am the final arbiter. If you have a problem with that, leave. I am probably smarter than you. If you were smart, you would have your own blog that people would want to frequent and you wouldn’t be a troll.

    it is resolved that I will enforce Godwin’s Law. If you call someone a Nazi, you have lost the debate. A Nazi is someone who believes in racial genocide. A Nazi is a total monster. Do not cheapen the word by using it indiscriminately. You will be banned.

    it is resolved that you will not start a thread with an insult. That immediately shows that you are an idiot and are fair game and will be treated accordingly. If you are polite, we will be polite. Maybe. I decide. Unfair? See rule 1.

    it is resolved that if you do insult me or others, you should try to make it an amusing insult. “Ha. Ha. Ha. You sure are stupid” is lame. “You have alzheimers” is lame. “If your brains were TNT, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose” is good. Come up with sumpin’ like that and you can stay a little longer. I want to be amused. If I’m not amused you’re gone. Why can I do that? See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that you should not make idiotic comparisons or use the ‘everybody does it’ defense. If I state Bill Clinton is a draft dodger (which, of course he is, and we will not debate that.) don’t bring up Bush’s National Guard record. It has nothing to do with Clinton beyond the fact that Bush served, Clinton didn’t. If we mention Hillary’s book deal, we are discussing Hillary, not Newt Gingrich. Newt’s deal has nothing to do with Hillary. Those rhetorical tricks will get you banned. I decide if any comparison’s are valid. Don’t like it? See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that any links you post must support your points. If they do not, I will call you on it. Do it more than once, and you’re history. I decide whether the link is valid. Unfair? See rule 1.

    it is resolved that when asked a question you may not respond with a question. Answer it. If you bob and weave and do not debate honestly you are gone. Why do I get to decide? See rule 1.

    it is resolved that when I declare you have lost a debate it’s closed. Don’t try and reopen it. Why do I get to do that? See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that you may not deny facts that prove you are wrong just because they do not fit your beliefs. If you try that, you are outta here. I decide. Why me? See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that you should try to act like an adult. There are no timeouts here. If you act childish, you are gone. I don’t like spoiled crybaby whiney types. I get to decide. Don’t like it? See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that i can make up additional rules as I go. Think that’s unfair? Tough! See rule number 1.

    it is resolved that comments do not necessarily reflect the views of travis or doug or

    it is resolved that we reserve the right to take any action with regard to comments, whether it be to delete a submission, modify obscene language, or ban a troll. however, that particular comments remain on the site in no way constitutes an endorsement of their views by travis, doug, or

    it is resolved that just because we blog about / criticize / ridicule one thing and not something else, doesn’t mean we don’t feel just as strongly about that something else, or that we support that something else, or that we are nazis. if you read something here making fun of martha stewart but not the guys in charge of enron, it doesn’t mean we like the guys at enron. capiche?

    as ann althouse said recently:

    The thing I’m most likely to be criticized for, by commenters and other bloggers, is the failure to write about some particular subject. They tend to assume that the more important a news story is, the more I am obligated to write about it. So, for example, if I don’t write about the treatment of the detainees or the war, that in itself constitutes a statement that I don’t care or I think everything that is going on is just fine. But in fact, the failure to write may only mean that I respect the difficulty of the subject. [9 dec 06]

    it is resolved that this is our place (see rule #1). we hatched the idea to start we got the thing designed. we pay for the domain and the web hosting. and we spend time adding content to the site often. previously, i’ve compared this blog to the plant in your kitchen that just won’t die. [11 jul 05]

    but it is really like a home. you buy the home, decorate the home, pay out the wazoo for the home, and spend much of your free time in the home. no one would come into your home and tell you how to run things, or act rudely toward you — without expecting to be told where they can stick it.

    this blog is the same way. we are not going to take your crap. don’t whine or feign shock (“but what about FREE SPEECH???!!!”) when we edit your vulgar comment. don’t be surprised when we expose your logical fallacies or deficient reading comprehension and call you out for the moron that you are. and don’t complain if we ban you because you are troll (meaning on the internet, you act subhuman and ignore basic social decency).

    maybe you came here because we ridiculed someone you like. boo hoo. public figures expect to get some criticism. notice we didn’t go to his house or his office to picket, or send him nasty emails with insults. this is a blog where we often vent using humor and satire. when this elicits a sputtering-mad response from you, this only adds to the comedic nature of the situation.

    we did not come to your blog and call you names. and if we did come to your blog, we would try to politely disagree, because we are not jerks. therefore, when you come to our blog, be civil or at least funny. preferably both.

    that’s all for now.

    -travis, 10 december 2006

    UPDATE: following glenn’s law of comment inertia (comments have to be made somewhere, if not here) comments addressing this post have popped up under doug’s post on cynthia mckinney.

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