we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Jul 23rd 2003

dennis miller: a pragmatist, and funny

dennis miller

i’ve always thought that dennis miller is funny, but recently as i’ve heard his comedic rants in defense of america, i’ve come to think even more highly of him. he can make a logical argument and be funny about it. he’s one of a few in hollywood who has what the rest of america takes for granted: common sense.

here ESPN’s dan patrick interviews miller. its funny. here’s a tidbit, DM on parenting:

The danger to me seems like when your kids are spending 12 hours a day building pipe bombs in the garage and you never come down the Bat pole and say, “What’s up?” You know…you’ve got to be there. So when they say, “Let’s make pipe bombs now, dad,” you go, “No, we’re not going to make any pipe bombs.”

and on the dumbest sport:

dan patrick: dumbest sport?
dennis miller: Curling. It’s like Shirley Booth on methamphetamines. It must be a really sad day in a Canadian boy’s life when they say, “You know that great, glamorous sport (hockey) that our whole culture evokes? You can’t do it. The same ice that they play that exciting, sexy game on, you’ve got to sweep it.”

“Do I get to wear a uniform?”

“Nah, kid, just sweats.”

there is another interview, more serious, perhaps, in the most recent weekly standard (hat-tip to croooow blog). here are my favorite tidbits:

on political parties: “I don’t think of myself as a classic conservative,” says Miller. “I think of myself as a pragmatist. And these days, pragmatism falls into the conservative camp. We have to depend on ourselves in this country right now because we can’t depend on anyone else. We are simultaneously the most loved, hated, feared, and respected nation on this planet. In short, we’re Frank Sinatra. And Sinatra didn’t become Sinatra playing down for punks outside the Fontainebleau [Hotel].”

on john ashcroft and civil liberties: “With John Ashcroft, the main civil liberty I’m looking to protect is the ‘me not getting blown up’ one. I don’t know if it’s written down anywhere in Tom Paine’s crib sheets, but that’s my big one.”

on intervention in liberia: “I think we have to send a few mall cops over, quite frankly. Who’s the man in charge over there, Chuck Taylor? Didn’t he invent Converse All-Stars? It can’t be that hard. Let’s send some guys over from Nike and Puma.

and on some 2004 democratic presidential candidates: “I knew Kerry was going to have to run for president because his features are so chiseled, his actual skull could be on Mt. Rushmore. The guy looks like an Easter Island statue in a power tie.” [and] “I hope they send Howard Dean out to do battle with Bush because he’ll get his ass handed to him quicker than someone who just got out of liposuction surgery.”

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