all-encompassingly

the other day, i walked across campus to take care of some business at the university bookstore. i was about 30 feet away from the building when a girl who had reached the door glanced back, and, for some reason, decided to hold it open for me. it took me 5 or 6 seconds, amplified by awkwardness, to even reach the door, and by then she had dutifully assumed the “doorman” role, out of my way, clinging to the door. this was an uncomfortable moment. i am an able-bodied young man. i thought it was a nice gesture, but completely unnecessary. we both silently acknowledged that she had misjudged either my speed or my distance, and thus committed herself unnecessarily to holding the door open for me.

ironically, were our genders reversed, i might have grounds for a sexual harassment suit. heh. maybe. that’s how uncomfortable the moment was. but this is not just some “freak incident” that only happened to me. it is ingrained in our culture to hold doors open for each other. everyone seems to do it. but why? i don’t know. this article is not about answering that question, but, rather, it is about convincing you that holding the door is stupid beyond belief.

as if the awkwardness borne from the feeling of inconveniencing another person were not enough, the now almost universal use of climate-control foyers in commercial buildings has made the burden on chivalrous males (and conscientious people everywhere) greater than ever. now a man intent on easing his woman’s way through life has to hold open door number one, rush ahead clumsily, and repeat the process on door number two. or, perhaps less PC, he can open the first door and charge ahead, providing his woman only with a “courtesy tap,” to keep the dreaded first door at bay for that precious half-second so she won’t have to touch it herself. the doting male, by this time, has reached his post at door two, and awaits the female, doorman style. the crisis has been averted (she didn’t have to touch the door)…but danger lurks at every turn! when and where will more doors appear?

what about the do-gooder who man’s the door while his friends enter the building, only to find a steady stream of people behind them? when does he call it quits, and how does he do it without seeming like a jerk? it is a question for the ages. one which could be completely side-stepped with a return to reason: do not hold the door at all. ever.

in his inaugural address, i remember president bush saying,

what you do is as important as anything government does. i ask you to seek a common good beyond your comfort; to serve your nation, beginning with your neighbor…building communities of service and a nation of character.

helping each other is a basic part of a community. however, when president bush made those remarks, i don’t believe he envisioned americans becoming volunteer doormen en masse. there are a bijillion ways to help people besides holding the door open for someone. i, for one, would like to hereby call for the expendable practice of “holding the door” to end. instead, let’s do something useful and something to which we can truly dedicate ourselves.

i welcome your suggestions; here are some of mine:

there are also some websites

i realize how happy it makes some people to have the door held open for them. i know this is a great source of pleasure to these delud-ees, and that this somehow fills the void where america’s sense of community used to be. but there are other ways to create a sense of community. why don’t we all just smile when we see each other? that would make people feel happy, and america would suffer no lost GNP while its workers man doors that can be handled just fine by the people that happen to be walking through them.

so, i’m not suggesting we be rude to each other, i’m just saying door-holding is stupid, and can we please stop? if the people behind you are under 65 and physically well, doors are not a hazard for them. the urge to be doormen is just one of those cultural paradigms that some of us can’t shake.