we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Sep 5th 2003

drugs, crime, and johnny cochran

the new york times reports

The federal appeals court in San Francisco yesterday overturned the death sentences of more than 100 prisoners in three states because judges rather than juries had made the crucial factual determinations in sentencing them to death.

Yesterday’s decision involved Warren Summerlin, who is on death row in Arizona for killing a bill collector and who challenged his death sentence on a number of grounds.

Judge Marquardt had admitted to heavy marijuana use around the time he sentenced Mr. Summerlin to death. “If the allegations concerning Judge Marquardt are true, Summerlin’s fate was determined by a drug-impaired judge.”

funny, coming from the party that wants marijuana legalized.

let the murderer off! who cares about the facts?

in the future, being fried on marijuana will not be allowed by sentencing judges, except in the cases of men charged with committing murder under the influence of drugs, when it will be required the judge be ‘all reefered out’ before he passes judgment on the case.

but in this case, no! the murderer was not under the influence of drugs, he was only irked by his mean, nasty bill collector! not a crime!

i can hear johnny cochran now: “if the buddha didn’t participate, you must exonerate!” or perhaps, “if there was no hashish, you must release!” or even, “if the s*** was not hit you must acquit!”

8 Responses to “drugs, crime, and johnny cochran”

  1. Doug

    Travis! You da man!

    Anyways, this is a hilarious article. Ya voy a escribir algo yo.

    Argentina is beautiful. The food is cheap. And the futbol better than ever (except for the tie today with Chile….que verguenza).

  2. Cochran,johnny
    11/18/03 10:45:39AM
    To attorney of OJ Simpson
    from Clifton Freeman
    1143 Tacoma Ave So.
    Witness will speak to say this is as it was seen by me that day and what followed

  3. admin


  4. Regina Facyson

    I would like Attn.At Law Cochran Address and phone about a casepleas send to or

  5. Regina Facyson

    I would like Attn.At Law Cochran Address and phone about a casepleas send to or

  6. admin

    regina, you do NOT want to contact johnny. did you read this post? did you watch the freaking OJ trial? HELLO!??

    if you are a good person, you do not want anything to do with johnny cochran. if you are a horrible, lying murderer, however….

    well, good luck with the trial! don’t admit to nothin’! fortunately, lying is all you have to do sometimes to thwart justice in our country!

  7. dora

    I am seeking Johnny Cochrans phone number.

    Or if anyone knows an excellent attorney in the direction of education, I have a major situation here in the state of Nevada. It pertains to my two teenage daughters and has been going on for over five years.
    e-mail me at

  8. Carlene Carr

    I personally think that Johnny Cochran is the best that is why I am wiriting for help. My nephew was murdered in a prison in West Virginia The prison said it was natural causes then they said it was suicide. My nephew was a black 31 year old he had been locked up for 11 years was to be released this summer. The prison also has an autopsy done on him without my sisters consent. The family is outraged. My sister was told that they would pay for his funereal and buy his suit then they said they can’t. She had no insurance on him. 2 weeks prior to his death which happened on 3\3\04 my sister recieved a letter from him saying he feared for his life that they were going to mve him to another prison in Indiana and for her to call his attorney. The prison said they knew nothing of this and my sister had been calling this laywer since she recieved the letter he never called her back The day her son was murdered she called him and he called back within 10 minuetes saying saying he was not my nephew laywer. Later in the day he called and told my sister he was going to fly to West Va to see what was going on. Yesterday3\5\04 my nephew sister in New York got a letter from him stating that he feared for his life and hve her names of the 2 guys that was going to have him killed. He told her that the guards and no one was doing anything about it. His girlfriend in Norfolk Va. talked to me 3\5\04 her last letter from him was the day after Valentine day and he told her some stuff was ging down and they were messing with him and that he was scared. So please if you can help us get to the bottom of this and get justice please do, we don’t have a lot of money because what we have we are all putting it together to help bury my nephew. We would appreciate anything you can do. Thank you.