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Mar 11th 2008

Huckabee Announces Candidacy for American Idol; Vows to Defeat Mormon Finalists

HOPE, ARKANSAS — Last Thursday night, America chose its top 12 finalists on Fox’s hit show, “American Idol.” On Friday, former presidential candidate and erstwhile Baptist preacher, Mike Huckabee announced he would campaign to win the nation’s biggest singing competition.

Despite the initial shock among the entertainment elite at the politician’s decision, Huckabee has a lot of support among his base of Evangelical Christians. They see two Mormons among the top twelve contestants, and clamor, “Who can stop them?”

“Naturally, I thought of Mike Huckabee,” said one Idol fan from rural Kansas. “He’s the one who can step in and stop these Satan-worshipers from winning and legitimizing their cult….’cause that’s what it is, a cult!”

Many in the Evangelical community revere Mike Huckabee for his surge in the Republican primaries, and credit his “Huckaboom” with derailing the campaign of a Mormon, Mitt Romney.

One supporter added, “If Romney took the White House, it would make his religion look legitimate and everybody would want to join his church, just like how I’m pretty sure lots of people became Methodists after George W. Bush got elected in 2000.”

Huckabee admits he does not know much about singing, but argues he knew nothing about foreign policy, tax policy, immigration policy, or really anything except how to play the bass guitar when he began his campaign for president in 2006.

“I’m sure I’ll learn how as I go along” Huckabee said about the ins and outs of the singing competition, “the important thing is, I need to give the voters a choice. I want them to know I am the Christian Singer running for American Idol, and that they won’t find that in David Archuleta or Brooke White.”

“One more thing: Whenever either of the Mormons in the top twelve tries to out-sing me, by definition, they are engaging in negative singing. I hope voters reject their vicious attacks and vote for me.” Huckabee said.

At the end of the interview, almost as an afterthought, Huckabee asked, innocently, “Hey, don’t Mormons,” he paused, “believe singing brings glory to Satan, whom they worship?”

Update: Since our exclusive interview with Mike Huckabee, his surrogate, Charles “Chuck” Norris, has attacked David Archuleta as “too old” for the job of American Idol. Norris asserts that, based on the way past American Idols have aged under the stress of the prize, the 16 year-old Archuleta would be 84 by the time his first record goes platinum.

42 Responses to “Huckabee Announces Candidacy for American Idol; Vows to Defeat Mormon Finalists”

  1. Hilarious, and fitting. Thanks.

  2. Mephibosheth

    Bravo!

  3. Mason

    I may have just wet myself.

  4. doug

    Classic.

  5. Hilarious.

  6. I love it, wish I had of thought of it. For this you are enthusiastically on my blog roll.

  7. eddie eddie

    mormons don’t worship satan- they dance and sing. its the jehovas witnesses that don’t sing or dance!

  8. rebecca parker

    If Huckabee really said those quotes, they’re tasteless & completely lacking in the truth. Furthermore, they’re not humorous in the least. I think he should base his campaign on more serious topics that face our country vs. religion that isn’t even appropriate or correct. Those quotes only prove his ignorance!

  9. bnice

    almost enjoyed it as much as the guy who wet himself.

  10. I love Huck’s moist eyes.

  11. Dan

    How dare we try and compare the two singing styles. This is negative singing

  12. Lee Francis

    Did you guys make this stuff up?

  13. [...] …of the presidential race, what will he do with his time now? [...]

  14. [...] A bit of humor Read this from all-encompassingly blog. [...]

  15. travis bascom

    this has to be digged its hilarious. Very well thought out. Brilliant to a T. Shows exactly what the entire Huckabee movement was all about.

  16. H. Tanner

    Wonderful! I thought this was so funny and at the same time so sadly true. YAY! A+

  17. The King

    Um. . . pretty sure the momons worship christ. The official name of their church even has his name in it. Other then a wonderful display of ignorace- good joke

  18. The . . . Prince

    oh come on- it is funny! what part of it is accurate?

  19. [...] Speaking of Singing, All Encompassing has a hilarious spoof of American Idol,with Mike Huckabee joining the fray. This is tongue in cheek, and likely says more about us Mormons than Huckabee or anyone else, but I liked it. [...]

  20. Without further ado, enjoy this piece from all-encompassingly.com . . . apparently Huckabee’s ambition knows no bounds.

    Warning: Like several of the commentors, I very nearly had an accident.

  21. Mormon Girl

    Umm…I am a Mormon, and think that Huckabee is just trying to get votes from Mormon haters, who are ignorant of the fact, that like “The King” said, we have Christ in our name. You may not like us, but you don’t have to hate us either. Come to a church meeting and see. Come on. I dare you.

  22. Mormon grownup

    The ultimate stupid comment, I must say. This shows exactly the mentality of our nations leadership wanna-bees!!

    Anyone has a right to an opinion, as long as its based on facts. Ever think of that?

  23. Awesome job. Loved it.

  24. Excuse me while I wipe the diet coke from my monitor. Well done!

  25. Doubly Funny

    The post itself is very funny, but some of the clueless comments are nearly as funny (and sad).

    “If Huckabee really said those quotes, they’re tasteless & completely lacking in the truth.”

    “Did you guys make this stuff up?”

    “Um. . . pretty sure the momons worship christ.”

    OK, they’re not nearly as funny as the post. Very well done.

  26. Please don’t defend the faith, my LDS friends, this is a joke – a funny article.

  27. Nancy French at EvangelicalsforMitt.com posted this on her web site. She is one of the good guys and appreciates the humor of our shared values. Check her out.

  28. Ann

    I loved this article! I hope that all people that loved Huckabee get to read this and realize just how Ignorant, and deceiving Huckabee truly is!

  29. BigDog

    David Cook is also Mormon, so there are 3!

  30. shiggz

    my fellow LDS please don’t comment or seek to speak for all of us if you don’t know what this is about. You make us all look juvenile and reactionary. (ie using the ancient prophet Mormon father of Moroni’s name in your nickname)

    This is a sort of political insider jab at the strange anomaly that was the Huck campaign.

    My fellow all en-comp readers please be patient with us Mormons we have a inner contingent that could best be described as home schoolers from the 50′s. So please take their statements questioning if this is real with a grain of home school salt. They are good people but like childrens tv shows they need their humor simple and direct.

  31. I see now that when I cut and pasted the blurb from my blob, I over-edited it. It’s clearly tongue-in-cheek, especially if you look at some of the other articles on all-encomp.

    Please people. Look for the tongue. LOOK FOR THE TONGUE!

    (Although I will agree…some of the comments are almost as funny as the article itself!)

  32. cadranni

    Hey shiggz! What’s with the homeschooling digs? If I was a betting girl (which I’m not, being LDS), I’d bet you dollars to donuts that the silly people who took this seriously were public schooled. Homeschoolers as a group are far more involved and aware of political stuff. Me being one of them :-).

  33. shiggz

    Cadranni with the state of public schools you might be right. I referenced home school phenomena in the “underdeveloped social skills” manner not in the academic way.

    The social naivety (not always a bad thing) that is a side effect of “being in the world but not of it” has left some LDS people as seeming a bit weird or awkward. “Home school” is a good way for them to help them see it is social awkwardness not cult drinking kool-aid that makes some Mormons seem strange.

    Anyway thanks Travis for sharing this clever British level deadpan humor!

  34. lyle

    Funny? Yes.
    Clever in creating analogous jokes to past moments in the campaign? Yes.
    Continues the stereotype of all evangelicals hating/opposing all Mormons? Yes.
    Engages in the same blind prejudice which it accuses Huckabee of holding? Yes, yes it does.

  35. cadranni

    to Lyle – Evangelicals can laugh at themselves, I found this from a link at http://www.evangelicalsformitt.com.

    Maybe if we all, Mormons and Evangelicals, could lighten up a bit we’d have better political culture. Mixing up religion and politics is a bad idea anyway, witness Obama’s current troubles and Utah politics. I moved to Utah 7 years ago and the acrimony between LDS and other religions/non religious is unbelievable.

  36. travis

    Engages in the same blind prejudice which it accuses Huckabee of holding? Yes, yes it does.

    you can come to that conclusion only if you believe this piece was a broad swipe at all evangelicals.

    it isn’t.

    although the fake quotations in this post sound outrageous, every single paragraph is based in something i have experienced in the last six months or so watching mitt romney and mike huckabee court the same socially conservative voters in the republican primaries. i assure you, everything is completely realistic, and that is why writing it was such an enjoyable and cathartic experience.

    between november and february, i was a regular reader of mike huckabee’s campaign blog and the blogs of some of his more ridiculous supporters, where mormons were called satan worshipers and the church of jesus christ called a cult. i heard people express the fear that if a mormon were elected president, somehow that would result in mass conversions to the church.

    i did not target all evangelicals, american idol fans, or kansans with my comments. i targeted this specific group. but the post wasn’t really even about huckabee supporters, or the fact that many of them were deluded. this post was about mike huckabee’s silly posturing during the republican primaries. those, which even you must be sharp enough to discern, were direct analogies to real history, not the product of “blind prejudice.”

    nice try, though, at remote psychoanalysis.

  37. Laura

    This was a funny and insightful post, thanks for the laugh….what a shame that in the real world Huckabee was ‘played’ and discarded once his usefulness to the RNC was done. A pity he let his shortsidedness and biases rule his actions. The choices we’re left with for president are nauseating.

  38. Rose

    Well, I am Mormon, and I found that pretty hilarious! Although, of course, just to clarify, we do believe in Jesus Christ (IT’S IN THE TITLE OF OUR CHURCH!). I’ve known a lot of Evangelicals in my time (one of my best friends is one), and yes, there are a lot of prejudices against us (kinda stupid…because Christ told us to love everyone), but we’re all human, and none of us are perfect. Even so, I found this hilarious. And um ya, people would want to become Mormon just because of the president. I’m sure since we all just dearly love every president we have had…so we want to join his religion. Same thing when Kennedy was elected because he was Catholic. Or so my grandparents tell me. Anyways, my favorite on American Idol is David Archuleta, no matter if he was Evangelical Christian, Catholic, Mormon, or Jewish…

  39. Brian

    Absolutely hilarious! It perfectly captures the true nature of the Huckatard campaign, his voters, and why the awesome Mitt Romney is not the Republican nominee. Great job. Thanks for posting it.

  40. Rich Hazer

    Hilarious! I laughed at every job on both sides… nicely done!

  41. Steve

    This just in.

    Mike Huckabee will also enter the competition on Dancing with the Stars. After discovering that the partners of Shannon Elizabeth and Adam Carolla (Julianne Hough and Derek Hough)are Mormon, Governor Huckabee sees it as his duty to enter the competition as the Christian dancer.

    “If either of these couples win the competition, it would legitimize the cult,” said one enthusiastic Huckabee supporter.

    “Truth be known, I’ve got two left feet and I condemn dancing, but I didn’t know anything about immigration or economic policy when I ran for President to get the Mormon guy out” said Gov. Huckabee, “But if either of these couples try to outdance me, I will charge them with negative dancing and the Hucksters will rally behind me.”

  42. i love him to pieces!!!! :)