we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Jun 18th 2003

liberal media sides with confused witnesses

remember the muslim guy in the US army, hasan akbar, who injured or killed 16 of his fellow soldiers by rolling grenades at their tent and then shooting at those who ran out?

not this akbar

he confessed to the crime and gave as his motive the conviction that americans had come to iraq to “kill and rape muslims”. funny…we had no intention of getting “all up” in saddam’s business in that way. we’ll leave the raping of muslims to him, hasan!

the killing part might be accurate, though, seeing as how it was a WAR! (?). time to plead “conscientious objector” or whatever, hasan. okay? befoooore you get to iraq. and did you realize you joined the US army, buddy? that’s pretty much all we do–kill muslims (see somalia, bosnia, afghanistan…pretty much whenever the “religion of peace” decides to start fighting, which is pretty often)

but other than the war, we didn’t go there to kill muslims. the citizens of iraq were largely spared, compared to other wars. however, there is at least one iraqi in particular who, if he died, i wouldn’t mind at all.

anyway, what i’ve been giggling about is this: an LA times reporter made a big story out of witnesses (who couldn’t see an assailant in the pitch black desert night) and how their testimonies exonerate him. yet hard facts like fingerprints, weapons evidence, and the reality that there aren’t that many black men in iraq who own US army fatigues kinda all point to hasan.

plus his, um, confession.

that was all hidden at the bottom of the article, under the blather about “witnesses,” and under the title of the article (which, to the author’s credit, could have been chosen by an editor): “witnesses cast doubt on accused army killer”. they don’t cast doubt in anyone’s mind, especially hasan’s, who already confessed, you moron(s).

i am hopping mad at these reporter types.

oh. and somethings else. hasan’s relatives are concerned that he was accused of the dastardly, treasonous crime because he is a muslim.

but WAIT! he committed the crime because he’s a muslim!

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