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Feb 26th 2008

mccain apologizes for simon cowell’s ‘idol’ smears


following nigerian native chikezie eze’s performances on american idol each of the past two weeks, judge simon cowell engaged in subtle, but clearly smearful tactics to get voters to reject the artist: he spoke the man’s name, chikezie eze.

senator john mccain, republican candidate for president, did not let the reprehensible conduct go without public condemnation. when reports of cowell using eze’s given name surfaced on the internet tuesday, aides for the mccain campaign immediately awakened the senator from his afternoon nap. mccain, who aims to be elected commander-in-chief of the US military despite having passed its mandatory retirement age almost a decade ago, spoke these words from an early bird buffet shortly thereafter:

the use of that singer’s legal name by mr. cowell is simply reprehensible and uncalled for. he should have used nicer words than those the singer’s parents wrote on the official birth certificate when he was born.

now, here’s a little straight talk: people’s names should not be used to describe them unless they are white-bread american names like john. when i am president, these kinds of smears will not happen. i stopped a pork deal with boeing. i passed laws limiting free speech. i can stop people from saying people’s names.

in other news, the senator also attacked a talk radio host who referred to a democratic presidential candidate using his full legal name, barack hussein obama. mccain later called obama to apologize personally.

no word on whether mccain has any plans to criticize liberals in the short time he has left to live, or if he is content to stand on his credentials of attacking conservatives.

when asked for a response to mccain’s comments, cowell dismissed them as part of a “karaoke performance.”

5 Responses to “mccain apologizes for simon cowell’s ‘idol’ smears”

  1. doug

    Hilarious, Travis. And yet, depressing…

    We just got a preview of what the next eight and a half months are going to be like.

    When all is said and done, I wouldn’t be surprised if the media lionizes McCain for “running the most honorable campaign in a generation” and using it as “proof” that the right-wing won’t support such a campaign and that conservatives are mean spirited and didn’t support such an honorable man and etc etc etc… The whole script writes itself.

  2. Its all twisted political correctness.

    This “controversy” about his middle name…we act colorblind except when we act stupid. McCain should just say, ok, his middle name is Hussein, who cares?!

    Same thing with Obama in traditional African garb? Who cares?! Obama shouldn’t call it fearmongering…he just shouldn’t dignify it as an attack. Ask straight faced who gives a shiz-nizzle about a picture of him on a diplomatic trip?

    Condemn the idiotic chain emailers who claim Obama is a muslim incognito, if you must, and leave it there.

  3. I’m just going to refer to McCain by his middle name from now on: Sidney. If only he were half as cool as Sydney Bristow.

  4. […] Here is Ryan on the Barack Hussein Obama kerfuffle: Its all twisted political correctness. […]

  5. McCain does not seem to have enough this to occupy his old mind,than saying people’s names should not be used to refer to them.
    I am from Nigera,and in Nigeria,you refer to people,i mean everyone with their names,be it their first,middle or last name or a combination of all of them and most of the names happen to be of the native language,even though almost everyone also has English names,but i dont see anything wrong in what Simon said by calling somebody by his name,or did McCain want Chikezie to be called McCain or what? He better leave that election alone and think of something else to do with his time,we do not want republicans and Obama will be the ”next Commanger in Chief” here in America.