Ode to an Ignorant Amos
Beloved troll of the blog, Amoz Oz, left the following comment on an entry a little while ago. I reproduce it here in its entirety due to the serious nature of Amos Oz’ threats.
Travis,
You really are dim. Let me be clear with you.
You don´t know who I am, though I not only know who you are, but know you. You have tried to find out who I am, but unsuccessfully.
My comments annoy you, and you want to block me from commenting.
You can´t block me because I am more clever than you.
Where are we then? If the comment on the leopard, wolf and lamb thread does not stay up I will bombard this site with comments on a continual basis, to your deep regret and annoyance.
So, what are you options?
Close this site.
Close all threads to comments.
Stay at your computer 24 hours a day, ready to delete comments.
or
Let the comment on the leopard, wolf and lamb site stay on.
In your comment policy, you strut your bravado like a bull, but it seems you more resemble a neutered prick.
So rich and witty is Señor Oz’s prose that it deserves a more detailed analysis of my favorite parts.
First:
You really are dim. Let me be clear with you.
Yes, let’s be clear: Travis is dim. Now that we have that cleared up, let’s move on to the meat of matter!
You don’t know who I am, though I not only know who you are, but know you. You have tried to find out who I am, but unsuccessfully.
This makes me think Amos is actually Travis’ dog since he displays the mental acuity of a canine and yet seems to be familiar with the to-do list of Travis (”Today: Find out who ‘Amos Oz’ is.”).
Then Mr. Amos Oz’ comment plunges into delirious self-adulation:
My comments annoy you, and you want to block me from commenting.
You can’t block me because I am more clever than you.
Unsurprisingly, he has thus far failed to post a subsequent comment to the blog without our approval. Heh.
Now that the self-congratulation for exceeding cleverness is done, we move on to the mature portion of the comment:
Where are we then? If the comment on the leopard, wolf and lamb thread does not stay up I will bombard this site with comments on a continual basis, to your deep regret and annoyance.
This sounds vaguely like to the child sitting behind me on a plane last week who wouldn’t shut up “Mama…mama…mama…quiero dulce…quiero dulce…” repeated over and over until his mother relented and gave him something to chew on.
However, in contrast to the whining brat behind me on the plane, Amos lays out our options for us:
So, what are you options?
Close this site.
Close all threads to comments.
Stay at your computer 24 hours a day, ready to delete comments.
or
Let the comment on the leopard, wolf and lamb site stay on.
or post the Ode to an Ignorant Amos on the front page. [editor:I mean…we’re allowed to be sarcastic once in a while too, right?]
Amos, while we briefly appreciated your trolling for its comedic value, we’ve grown tired of your illogical screeds and personal attacks riddled with profanity.
We invite you to go elsewhere and leave you this ode as a memorial for your time here.
All the best,
Doug
3 Responses to “Ode to an Ignorant Amos”
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oz, i am really perplexed. doug gets compliments like “clever” and “sensible” from you, but i only get insults like “white whale” (and of course references to female genitalia &c).
in the last few hours, you have left more than two dozen comments (all moderated into what i have newly termed the “oz tank”).
for our readers, who are surely disappointed to see you censored, i will provide a short summary of the comments:
i want applaud your amazing efforts at the keyboard recently. your ability to focus on the mundane task of commenting pointlessly bodes well for you in the exciting career of ditch digging, or maybe nascar racing.
if you need a way out of your condition, i would refer you to a book. i haven’t read it, but by the title, i think it could help you. you can buy it online here. i believe they will ship to south america.
i really hope doug doesn’t ban you. my life would become a lot more hollow without this never ending stream of your pearls of wisdom.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Travis and Doug:
I guess I don’t read the blog enough to be very familiar with oz (or perhaps not many of his comments get through).
He seems like an entertaining character.
I’m not very computer savvy, so this is an honest question: is it possible to create a link to oz’s comments that have been posted, or at least maybe a ‘greatest hits’? And then, would you please do so?
It is possible that they are already in some collection somewhere, but I can’t find them. If they are, please direct me toward them.
And oz, if you are reading this, my laughter thus far has been directed AT your comments, not WITH them. I know . . . I probably resemble a neutered prick, but I just feel so much like strutting like a bull!