on breaking paradigms
in addition to suicide attacks targeting infidels in various countries, jews in the middle east, and the great satan, muslims–this time from iraq’s disbanded army–are “threatening suicide attacks against US forces in iraq unless they are paid” what saddam owes them. well, the joke’s on them! before he disappeared, he lifted nearly $1 billion from iraq’s central bank.
i think the soldiers should be paid. don’t get me wrong. just….isn’t there some other way to demand the money? it seems the religion of peace, which hasn’t had a new idea since 900 AD, needs to start thinking outside the box.
people who don’t think outside the box: the greek father in “my big fat greek wedding.” he believes everything can be fixed with a little windex (he’s wrong, unfortunately). america’s dairy farmers. they tell us that everything is better with cheese (they’re right). lots of muslims believe that everything is better with a little suicide bombing (they’re wrong).
as these three cases show, trying to find ONE solution to every problem is kinda hit or miss. the muslims are like your younger brother who discovered the one button he had to push to really make you mad. and he keeps pushing it, and pushing it, and….the only problem is, the button is something like stabbing himself in the eye with a toothpick. its just freaking dumb.
we need some private contractor to send over some people to explain to the hapless arabs the possible alternatives to suicide bombings. any one should be able to come up with a few suggestions….i can think of some right now. let’s do it in the form of a late show top ten: ten ways to get things done without blowing yourself up:
10. try humor at those awkward US marine checkpoints. it lightens any mood! for example, “you yanky pigs make me so mad, i almost gonna blow myself up! hahahahaha!” then slap the marine guard on the back like you two are old friends.
9. express views peacefully through blogging
8. compromise? is that so bad?
7. challenge idealogical foes to a game of soccer. losers get tortured by Uday.
6. offer to discuss your demands over some cold goats-milk-and-infidel-blood tonics.
5. wife-swapping! i’ll show you my wives’ faces if you let me see your wife’s face.
4. diplomacy. but watch out! if you fail, tom daschle may be “saddened, saddened.”
3. what about cutting yourself? or perhaps getting naked?
2. human shields?
and the number one way to get your point across without blowing yourself up:
1. windex!
speaking of bombings, colombia university professor
gayatri spivak delivered the following rationalization for suicide bombings: ’suicidal resistance is a message inscribed on the body when no other means will get through. it is both execution and mourning, for self and other.’
ahh. suicide bombing is so admirable and poetic…