we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Oct 27th 2004

One Week Until Complete Meltdown

On Wednesday, November 3rd, America will wake up to watch the beginning of the great unraveling. Even when Bush wins big I think that the Democrats have so much emotionally invested in this election that they will not go down without a suicidal Dean-scream and a fight to their death.

Let’s review what’s going to happen this coming Tuesday:

The GOP will widen their lead in the House.

The Senate will stand at least 53 GOP – 46 DEM – 1 IND, if not better. Tom Daschle won’t be returning.

George Bush will be re-elected with more than 50% of the popular vote and 300+ electoral votes.

And finally, a somewhat obvious prediction:

John F. Kerry will announce that once every vote is counted he will be elected President of the United States.

The Republican victory will only be met with lawsuits from the Democrats, which will expose them as the whining panzies they are, and reassure America that it made the correct decision in trusting the GOP.

It will be interesting to see how badly the Democrats are able to hurt themselves after the election.

4 Responses to “One Week Until Complete Meltdown”

  1. Al

    So true. At what point do you think they will give up? Maybe after a couple of “stories” the media runs of injustices and disenfranchised voters are found to be made up… who knows. Maybe after Kerry goes crazy and decides he needs to testify to congress of the atrocities that he has taken place in over the last year. Who knows…

  2. good call, al. here’s a sample of kerry’s planned testimony that i found. keep in mind he’s still drafting it, so it might be more polished when he presents it to congress a few days after the election. i think he intends it to help him win the election for sure:

    I remember Christmas of 2003 sitting on my family’s–not my–SUV. I remember what it was like to be shot down by howard dean, and have the president of the United States telling the American people that I was not there; that i was not a real candidate. I have that memory which is seared – seared – in me.


    Swing state republicans have told me that at times during the campaign they had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, tape wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at democrats, razed voting stations in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot welfare recipients and minorities for fun, poisoned my supporters’ pets, and generally ravaged the urban areas of the swing states in addition to the normal ravage of elections, and the normal and very particular ravaging which is done by the applied news media power of this country.


  3. Mary Wert

    Yeah! More woman conservatives!!!! Ran across your blog by accident but it is in fav places now.
    Your predictions are right on the money. GO BUSH!!!
    Mary Wert

  4. M. McD

    Amen! The driving impetus behind public support for this inevitable catastrophe will be the Femocrats (I fended off a couple of ’em the other day on the front steps at the Harrisburg Capitol building) and Yankees fans (I’ve decided that the damnYankees, jointly with all democrats, should be blamed for everything). I haven’t decided how the damnYankees are implicated at this point, but they are! As for the Femocrats, they will drag their lawyers into court themselves for of their children (whose existence is attributable only to their botched abortions at the hands of incompetent “planned parenthood” doctors) being drafted into the military by the democrats thoughtless bill to re-introduce the draft. Screw the Yankees!