all-encompassingly

we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Dec 6th 2007

some headlines you won’t see today

obama takes huge risk giving speech on his race.

obama, a member of a race belonged to by fewer than 13% of americans has been under increasing pressure to explain the controversial practices of his group. from dog fighting in the US to polygamy in africa, potential supporters find themselves reticent to endorse the flawed candidate.

hillary no geraldine ferraro: candidate forced to “demystify” her gender

…..many question why they get couches in their public bathrooms, maternity leave, grow hair long, want the right to murder babies….

huckabee to explain controversial views

why didn’t many southern churches refuse to apologize for their racially segregated congregations until the 1990s? why do they believe women must submit to their husbands regardless of the circumstances? and why are they the sole arbiters of which christian churches get to call themselves “christian”?

giuliani to explain “strange” catholicism

how will his catholic views, opposed by proper americans, show his poor judgment? will he apologize to protestants in belfast? “I think, if he starts talking about catholic belief, that it will strike many evangelical Christians as quite unusual,” said Bill Martin, professor emeritus at Rice university. “One, is that the eucharist actually becomes the body of christ as you chomp down on it.

“The other one would be that women have a very limited role in the catholic church,” he notes of the male-dominated church hierarchy in italy.

“And the belief that the pope can continue to give revelations,” Martin adds — in a church which considers both Paul and all of the church’s pope’s as apostles. “The idea that the Bible is not a sufficient document — that more guidance is given in the septuagint — that would strike a lot of evangelicals as quite odd.” [ridiculous source here]

thompson to give major speech defending hollywood — vaguely

this small, cloistered western society has created a world apart from mainstream america. thompson takes a big risk. will he address the unfair treatment of communists during the mccarthy era?

edwards pushed to explain his obsession with the yellow live strong bracelet

some question whether it is matched by strange, bright yellow underwear, or perhaps is a sign of membership in a dangerous cult that could control his presidency if elected.

richardson on the ropes with dangerous speech on “hispanicism”

needs to explain his group’s unequal treatment of indigent peoples, not to mention that funny accent, use of double last names, and the spanish inquisition.

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every candidate in this race is unique, but only mitt romney’s differences are worthy of bigotry.

romney_cartoon.jpg

6 Responses to “some headlines you won’t see today”

  1. Paul

    Superb post.

  2. bnice

    one of your best. love the cartoon. live strong.

  3. Al

    Most excellent!

  4. Excellent!

  5. I want someone to start asking every candidate, “Boxers or briefs?” I mean, as long as we’re discussing Mitt’s underwear, shouldn’t be discussing all candidates’ underwear?

  6. […] 3. in the lead up to the speech, many clamored for mitt to “answer questions about the doctrines of mormonism.” people must not realize that he is busy with a time-consuming endeavor called a “presidential campaign” and he couldn’t even begin to scratch the surface of “demystifying” an entire religion or clarifying it to the satisfaction of most people. […]