we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Aug 12th 2003

why i hate the avs

clinton joked with his buddies later that he wished he'd been president in 1969, so he could've scored a jersey with more innuendo

my hatred for the NHL’s colorado avalanche has nothing to do with bill clinton (see photo, left). though, can’t you imagine clinton joking with his buddies after receiving the jersey, “too bad i wasn’t president in 1969! that jersey would’ve been a great conversation starter with the interns!”

no, my hatred stems from an innate desire for justice, as well as some personal grudges. i’ll explain.

the “avalanche,” as they are now called, used to be the “nordiques.” they were the hapless nords, who had a horrible name, a putrid jersey design, and who never made it past the second round of the playoffs. they were just getting good in 1995, when the financially troubled team was sold, and moved from quebec to denver, colorado.

they won the stanley cup their first year there.

“it is great for hockey!” said the bumbling bill clement. lots of people seemed to agree with him. only, what about the poor french canadians who just spent 20 years cheering for a crappy team, and now who don’t even get to have a stanley cup parade, see the banner go up, gloat, and all the other wonderful spoils of victory? if you ask me, it is one of the greatest tragedies in hockey.

visit the quebec nordiques preservation society, or read a brief team history here

nail 'em!

there are more reasons for me to hate the avs:

(A) patrick roy. sure he’s good. but i hate him. i hated him because i had some canadian friends growing up who were die-hard habs & roy fans, and who were very snooty about it. but i don’t hate roy all the time. i love it when he leaves the net to play the puck. [“greatest regular season game in NHL history”]

(B) bob hartley. he didn’t coach the avs to their first cup win, but he did coach them to their second cup, in 2001. i hate bob hartley. he coached the hershey bears of the AHL in the late ’90s. my local team was one of their bitter rivals at that time. at one game against the bears under hartley, my seats were near the entrance to the visitors’ tunnel. as hartley came out i heckled him with something like, “the bears suck!” or perhaps something more incendiary. but i still i expected him to ignore me and walk to the bench like any mature 50-ish looking guy should. come on, i’m a 16-year old, squeaky-voiced heckler. anyway, he didn’t ignore me, but had some quite flavorful comments to shoot back at me, none of which are repeatable here. maybe that’s not reason to hate him. but it seems like there was some reason i was mad at him in the first place.

so that’s that. i hate the avs. i did manage to enjoy about the last 2 minutes of the 2001 finals, when i accepted the avalanche victory and rejoiced with ray bourque, who finally won a stanley cup in the last game of his great NHL career.

i have also been seen wearing avalanche “stanley cup champions” apparel (i usually wear it inside-out, when i have to clean the toilet or something). the shirt was mirthfully given to me by a denver acquaintance who thought it would be funny, given how much i hate the avalanche.

4 Responses to “why i hate the avs”

  1. Hey, enough about the Avs….

    How about a tribute to Herb Brooks?

  2. your wish is my command.


    …hate is a strong word…

  4. Wingsfan

    I hate the Avs too. Go Wings!!